November 27, 2010 at 8:46 PM (Our Journey)
Tags: 2 months old, Gestational Surrogacy, Surrogacy, Surrogate Baby
Little piggy is growing Mama says he is weighing in at 12 pounds 1 ounce. Enzo is getting close to three months old now. How the time is flying! Here is a current photo of the little (big) man:
Professional photos taken shortly after E’s birth:
When I text, talk, and see pictures of how Enzo and his family are doing and what they are up too, I feel so happy. We’ve all been blessed through this and we know we have a lot to be thankful for.
November 13, 2010 at 2:32 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
Tags: Abortion, crisis pregnancy center, Post abortion, post abortion syndrome, prochoice, prolife, selective reduction, Surrogacy, termination
I know that I need to post an update on Enzo and get some of the many pictures that Lucy sends me on to the blog for you to see but that isn’t what I’m going to post about today, sorry!! Many people think the blog is coming to an end now, but that isn’t going to happen either. There are many things I still want to write about regarding surrogacy and one of the big ones is landing on this page today. I will continue to give updates on Enzo and our families along with tackling some of the issues that parents or surrogates come across on the surrogacy journey…you wouldn’t think so, but I’ve yet to even scratch the surface of this miraculous and complex subject. I hope you continue to read along and post your comments on whatever forum you tend to read this blog on because I love interacting with you all!
So, there is a decision that every surrogate mother and every intended parent has to make before a single preparatory step is made in a surrogate arrangement and that subject area is how you feel about termination or selective reduction also known as abortion, also known as making the choice to end a life. Blood pressure rising yet?? Now, I know there are many realms of justification and MANY opinions regarding what each singular person may decide for themselves at what point a life constitutes life. I personally don’t trust myself to choose or reach the absolute right truth in this area, this is an area I have never had the desire to f&^k up in. Believe me, I am fully capable to justify and argue points on either side, but just because I can make a pretty damn good case for either side it doesn’t make it the truth. I relied on the bible to make my decisions but if I had needed a secondary source, my friends would have been enough help.
Many of my friends are post abortive, statistically like 1 in every 4 of them. It shouldn’t surprise anyone, but if your friends actually felt they could tell their secret, you would probably be pretty shocked at how that statistic holds true. You’re clueless if you think this only applies to women in lower socioeconomic groups and those who claim no affiliation with God. Our churches are full of women sitting in silence and most often in pain about their abortion choices and decisions yet to be made. One of my best friends helps run a crisis pregnancy center and through her I’ve had the opportunity to serve in post abortion ministry. It simultaneously rips my heart out and powerfully restores the soul. The thing I don’t think most people understand is that the majority of the people who cry out against abortion aren’t some clan of zealous religious freaks (but yes, some of them are) they are women who have exercised their rights to have an abortion (doesn’t matter the circumstances surrounding the decision) and have since came to the conclusion that they shouldn’t have. What sucks the most for those friends is the damn hindsight. Their abortions affected them more than they ever thought they could, they believed the nurses and the clinics when they said, “After today, you won’t ever have to think about this again.” It wasn’t true!! Even though they didn’t want to think about it, they did and they thought about it a lot. It affected marriages in ways they didn’t even see at times, their sex lives, their ability to love, the guilt they felt when looking at the children they did have, the anger at themselves, their families, their friends, or God.
I’m thankful for friends who would plead and beg with me if necessary not to make the same choices. I am also thankful that their eyes along with mine have been opened to understand that what a post abortive woman needs period is compassion, love, understanding, and the truths that lead to the healing process. I don’t know how anyone could sit and actually listen to an abortion story and have the audacity to come off self righteous. I’m sorry post abortive women that the reality is sometimes that way, it shouldn’t be. I find it offensive myself when someone knows I haven’t had an abortion so they think I can’t possibly understand those that have or assumes I judge myself to be better than someone who has.
At any rate, for surrogates and intended parents writing out details of their surrogacy contract, you aren’t dealing with a crisis situation when making these decisions, you are making them without pressure before a pregnancy even occurs. I urge you to really think about and research this aspect as much as you researched your fertility clinic, your finances, or your choice of lawyer. Intended parents should not be making abortion choices for their surrogates and surrogates shouldn’t be letting them. The genetic material may or may not be coming from the surrogate but everyone IP’s and surrogates included, needs to understand that the removal of the embryo(s)/baby would be coming out from the surrogate’s body and that genetic material doesn’t eliminate the surrogate from emotional and physical consequences of receiving the procedure. It doesn’t eliminate the intended parents from the effects either.
Also, don’t believe that just because the statistics for the splitting of embryos or five day blasts are low that you aren’t setting yourself up for selective reduction. Even if you don’t think it could really happen, it happens, it could happen to you. Ashley’s two embryos took and then one split into identical twins so she carried triplets, read her story here. You could be the one out of how ever many that this happens to, take these hypothetical situations seriously in making such decisions. How awful it would be thinking it really wouldn’t happen and then it does and you are under contract for an abortion you never really wanted. No matter the contract, as a surrogate you have full control of your body the entire process but you would need your lawyer to see you through the change in contract terms with your IP’s if they still wanted to enforce the contracted abortion. Most likely there would be financial consequences for the surrogate. Personally, if I found that I hadn’t protected myself from the beginning and was in that situation, I’d take the financial consequence no matter the cost or burden and trust that the life inside me was worth living. If your contract was made in a state where surrogacy is illegal or contracts aren’t legally enforcable the surrogate most likely won’t experience consequences (remember the legal aspect of that in reverse intended parents…if the contract isn’t legal or can’t be enforced the surrogate could abort or reduce at any time she wanted to for any reason). Check your P’s and Q’s no matter how uncomfortable the conversations.
You will have many people who view abortion, termination, and selective reduction as no big deal, the rest will offer guidance for the other side of that coin along with the offer of support when a post abortion experience does become a big deal and the first group doesn’t know how in the hell to help you with that. You can contact any crisis pregnancy center to help talk through these major decisions, you don’t need to be pregnant to utilize their services. You can email me, you can talk to Jessica whose story is below, you can talk to my friend Kari at her center (the phone is answered 24/7), all you have to do is ask for the phone number and/or inquire by posting me a comment on here (I won’t publish those requests) or email me at pocketbebe@yahoo.com.
Just the other night the center where Kari works at held a gala to celebrate the lives saved from abortion and the restoration found for those in need of post abortion healing. Our friend Jessica spoke the beautiful words written below:
My name is Jessica and I am a daughter of God. I have tasted the sweetness of forgiveness in many wonderful ways. Part of that sweetness has come to me by my post abortion healing group called Surrendering the Secret.
You see, eleven years ago in my search to find love and my purpose in life, I became pregnant. I was 17 and I made the decision to parent Blaine. After 2 1\2 years of struggling with addiction and making incredibly poor choices, I gave him to my brother and sister-in-law and they adopted him. After this happened, I vowed I would never again have any children. Six years ago, just one year after signing the adoption papers, I found myself faced with another unplanned pregnancy. My decision to keep that vow I made a year before seemed clear. On July 19, 2004 I chose to abort my 14 week old baby. Today, by God’s sweet and merciful grace, I am 27 weeks pregnant, married to an amazing man, and have the joy of raising our two wonderful sons.
As I have journeyed through my abortion experience, I have discovered God’s true heart for me as a beloved daughter. I used to view God and faith in God as some sort of fairy tale, to be used as a security blanket for the weak and to help people sleep at night. If this God was real, I was sure he knew nothing of the hell I’d been through.
I soon discovered that He does know me, and it wasn’t until I began to learn about and really know Him that it began to make sense. I have learned that He wants me to rest in His arms, and that even in my darkest places He is pursuing me. I’ve learned that all my children are created and deeply loved by God. I’ve learned that at death, my sweet baby that I aborted was immediately passed into God’s presence. I know that she is waiting for me and the rest of our family to join her in heaven. Such amazing truths that God has pressed into my heart.
I shared these pieces of my life with my Surrendering the Secret group expecting rejection, and instead I received welcoming arms of acceptance as they shared their own stories of pain and struggle. Through this, I began to understand what grace is really about, and that God’s grace truly is sufficient. That grace has allowed me to see my baby laughing in the arms of our Father, and given me the gift of knowing that someday, I will be there laughing too.
Through my healing experience I came to realize how dear my sisters are to me. How well they have loved me when I once considered love to be an impossibility. They’ve been there for me to vent, cry, and even rage in my deepest moments of grief. God has shown me the beauty of the body of Christ.
That, my friends, is why ministries like these are so vitally important. God’s heart broke the day we chose to abort our babies, but it also breaks everyday that we are held in bondage to this decision. Without the ministry there are women who may go their entire lives haunted by their pasts or by currents choices they face. When provided with the truth they can experience freedom instead of slavery. Jesus is passionate about the healing of those lost and suffering from the effects of abortion. He is crying out to the Father on behalf of these women, and I can think of nothing more beautiful.
© Pocketbebe, 2010
January 27, 2010 at 4:28 PM (Uncategorized)
Tags: FET Transfer, IVF, Surrogacy, Surrogate Transfer
We had a transfer today, we had a transfer today! I wish I could give you all the details but we can only get an internet connection by the patio of the hotel room and I am on strict bed rest. I love my BlackBerry but it is not intended for blogging..
Two of the four embryos survived the thaw and they were transferred today at around 12:45.
Hoping to get a connection and post more later.
Keep praying!
October 31, 2009 at 11:18 AM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
Tags: Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2, Psychological Surrogate Testing, Surrogacy
Filling out the 567 questions contained in the MMPI-2 is also part of the psychological testing for gestational surrogacy. The MMPI-2 is designed to aid in the assessment of a wide range of clinical conditions. It is used in nonclinical settings to assess people who are candidates for high-risk public safety positions; as ART has become more sophisticated, these tests are used to assess the personality of potential Egg Donors, Surrogates and Intended Parents. More specifically, the test is used to provide the psychologist a backdrop with which to determine the suitability of these persons contemplating the medical procedures. The questions are of the true-false variety and the test results can demonstrate certain psychological traits such as honesty, dependency and manipulativeness.
Below I have compiled D’Ann’s Top 10 List of the best scratch your head, things that make you go hmmm, questions offered by the MMPI-2:
10. I am very seldom troubled by constipation.
9. At times I feel like swearing.
8. I think I would like the kind of work a forest ranger does.
7. I would rather win than lose in a game.
6. Sometimes in elections I vote for people about whom I know very little.
5. If I were an artist I would like to draw flowers.
4. I was fond of excitement when I was young.
3. I drink an unusually large amount of water every day.
2. At times I hear so well it bothers me.
1. I used to like to play hopscotch and jump rope.
A few of the questions on this test you don’t dare answer if you hold any sort of “faith based” beliefs. I’m not sure how this test is exactly graded, but I’m just going to assume it wouldn’t look good for me to mark true on the question, “I sometimes talk to things I can’t see.”
Are you there God, it’s me..CRAZY.
© Pocketbebe, 2009.
October 22, 2009 at 9:52 AM (Our Journey)
Tags: Gestational Surrogacy, NICU, Surrogacy
Perseverance through five IVF cycles isn’t for the faint-of-heart; neither is being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease when you are nineteen. Having a mixed connective tissue disease that has components of lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and scleroderma isn’t always easy, but the proverbial cup is always more than half full. With hearts filled with faith, God blessed us during our fifth IVF attempt with a beautiful viable pregnancy; I was over the moon, beyond ecstatic to be carrying Little Ricky.
Delivering at 28 weeks gestation, however, had not been on my to-do list just like my developing pre-eclampsia and almost dying hadn’t been on Ricky’s. I shudder to think what my death at that time would have done to Ricky had God not been gracious enough to save both the baby and me. As scary as it all was, even as I lay in the hospital bed prior to discharge, I refused to even consider that we (specifically me) would not try to carry another baby again in the future. Lacking in appropriate bedside manner training, I had a nurse who suggested that Ricky and I should use a surrogate the next time. This memory is distinct because I vividly remember wanting to smack her and ask her if she was on crack; no one was going to carry my babies but me! I wanted to be the one to sustain the developing life of our children, feel them move inside me, and eventually wear the closetful of cute maternity clothing I’d purchased but had never even gotten big enough to wear.
My perspective slowly began to change during our three-month stay at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). These days were full of immeasurable hope and sometimes, soul crushing turn of events. Little Ricky was born at 28 weeks on July 25, 2007 and some of the journal entries from the following days read as follows:
Aug. 15, 2007
Little Ricky is still on CPAP- continuous positive airway pressure. This means that there are little prongs stuck into his nostrils blowing air in helping him to keep his lungs inflated. He is working on being three pounds by Sunday!
Sept. 24, 2007
Little Ricky got sick early Friday morning. His belly became very distended and x-rays showed a serious infection of the bowel walls. We were afraid he might need surgery or perhaps not survive the infection. Since Sunday he has gradually improved although he had to be put on a ventilator and a constant infusion of medication for pain. He is getting x-rays and lab work every 12 hours now as compared to every 6 hours previously.
Sept. 26, 2007
Little Ricky is a fighter. He is improving slowly. His belly looks 100% better. We are so grateful for all the prayers and support we have felt this week. Unfortunately this morning we noticed his left leg was swollen- the leg with his central IV access. When they tried to remove the line they broke off a piece inside and he had to go to surgery to have the remaining piece removed. He has a blood clot in his femoral vein which can be dangerous, but he is being closely observed.
Oct. 16, 2007
We are scheduled for discharge TODAY! Today’s date was Little Ricky’s due date so it seems appropriate that he should get to go home today.
Seeing our little boy struggle to survive, breathe, even struggle to take a bottle led me to the unfortunate realization I could not selfishly allow the risks of prematurity to happen to another infant. My doctors, a rheumatologist, ob/gyn, perinatologist, and reproductive endocrinologist affirmed that pre-eclampsia was likely to occur again, and next time maybe earlier than 26 weeks. After consulting with my medical team I had to relinquish the idea of trying to carry another baby.
We still had four mature blastocysts that had already been “conceived” and we felt morally obligated to give them the opportunity to mature into the little babies they were on the way to becoming. My own uterus was no longer a possibility; the only other realistic scenario would be to find someone else willing to participate in our family’s journey. It was at that point we came to the decision to seek a surrogate. Hallelujah! God provides!
Coming Up Next: D’Ann’s Story
© Pocketbebe, 2009.
October 9, 2009 at 2:10 AM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
Tags: Gestational Surrogacy, Surrogacy, Surrogate Qualifications, Traditional Surrogacy
It is quite entertaining to watch a person’s face when you are telling them that you are going to be a gestational surrogate: first, shock registers, then confusion, on to puzzlement, awe, and then back to more confusion. Even though surrogacy can be traced back thousands of years ago (remember Abraham, Sarai, and Hagar?) it is still a somewhat revolutionary concept depending upon the circles in which you travel. The first step in helping people digest this confusion-inducing news is to fill people in on what exactly a surrogate is.
Surrogacy is when a woman agrees to carry and deliver a baby for someone else with the intent to cede the child to its parents. There are two different kinds of surrogates, usually termed “traditional” surrogates (TS) and “gestational” surrogates (GS). A TS is when the surrogate agrees to use her eggs and another man’s sperm, usually becoming pregnant via artificial insemination (AI). The TS is the biological mother of the baby. A GS is when the surrogate uses her uterus to become pregnant using a form of ART. Unlike the TS, the GS is not in any way genetically related to the child.
I am going to be a GS for Lucy and Ricky, attempting to become pregnant for them through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). IVF is the process of placing fertilized eggs into a woman’s uterus. In our situation, Lucy and Ricky have four cryogenically frozen five-day-old blastocysts (fertilized eggs they created) residing in two “straws” of two.
Listed below are some general qualifications that are required to become a surrogate:
Surrogacy has been around for thousands of years, yet many people do not know much about it. Reviewing a list of surrogate qualifications like the one above helped me as I began moving toward becoming a surrogate. However, the biggest requirement to becoming a surrogate is a rather personal one. You must have the gift of enjoying pregnancy and a heartfelt yearning to share your gift with others by helping them create or expand their family!
Coming Up Next: Lucy’s Story
© Pocketbebe, 2009.
