Tomorrow there is a plan with different medicine to soften the cervix and a technique to thin it.

A day ago there was hope that the pitocin would just do the job because I have an experienced uterus.  The uterus wasn’t fooled into changing from the state it is actually supposed to be in and while that is frustrating, it is just going to take a little longer.  Hopefully tomorrow will be the day but if it isn’t, it is just another day of priming the cervix and we will be back to the pitocin drip for twelve hours on Monday. This will continue until Enzo comes or gives indication that he is no longer safe and needs to be removed in surgery. 

I think it is easy for some to say just have a c-section and be done with this.  First, I think America has way too lax of an attitude about surgery and the complications that can come with surgery.  Thankfully most OB doctors still view surgery as a last resort in most cases.  I didn’t get to choose whose care I was placed under here at the hospital but it is clear they don’t subscribe to elective c-sections and aren’t going to rush Enzo and I into anything that isn’t medically necessary.  Sure I would like this to be over with, Enzo in his mom and dad’s arms, me back home to my family but I’m not going to increase my risk unless Enzo is at risk, which at this time nothing indicates that he is.  I think we are doing a fine job of walking the line between being proactive and involved without creating unnecessary drama.  Even if this were my own baby I wouldn’t be signing myself up for a c-section and thankfully amidst nonprofessional pressure neither is Lucy urging me to.

Has being in the hospital this past week been hard? Yes.  It has been hard for both Lucy and I to be away from our kids and family. It is hard to keep work responsibilities running smooth when your limited to a certain location. It is hard to not be the one who takes care of the things you normally take care of.  It is hard to make decisions, critically think through things, and quickly educate yourself on your own situation.  It is hard to not have privacy. It is hard to be told when you can eat and not eat.  It isn’t the end of the world but it does emotionally get to me in my weak moments.  This is the time for me to practice what I preach and live out my faith; trust HIM with the details. I smile when I write that because my girlfriends do such a good job of reminding me of that and living it themselves daily.  I can’t wait to do two things with you ladies when Enzo arrives, go for drinks and worship with you.

I’m sleepy and my body tired from contracting today so I am off (ha ha, like I’m changing locations from where I’m at now) to bed.  Antibiotic IV at 2:00 am, monitoring and another antibiotic at 6, first cervix softening medication at 6:30.  Not sure if there will be an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid tomorrow morning or not.  We shall see.

Sunday night I was helping my oldest daughter with her homework when out of the clear blue sky I felt a little gush.  I was shocked because I thought I had just peed in my pants and well, I haven’t done that in awhile.  I quickly resigned myself to the fact that while I’d kept the hemorrhoids and constipation at bay it was now my pregnancy lot to pee in my pants for the next seven weeks.  I changed, sat down, AND DID IT ALL OVER AGAIN!  Then HELLO! I realized I was continuously dripping out amniotic fluid and I felt the beginning of cramping that would soon lead to contracting.  Surro Grandma was called in and The Husband and I headed to the hospital while Lucy and Ricky headed north to meet us.

We picked between the two hospitals close to my house with a level 2 NICU and I was checked in and given a steroid injection for Enzo’s lungs though he was on the cusp of maybe not even needing it.  A little later I had an ultrasound and the fluid level was very good despite the leak.  We chose not to stop the contractions with medication.  I flipped on my side, they stopped on their own.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and today I have been on hospital bed rest and Lucy has been pumping a bit earlier than expected to get her milk supply going. I have been receiving constant IV fluids, antibiotics because of the open rupture, and fetal monitoring.  I received the second and last dose of steroids 24 hours after the first dose.  I receive an ultrasound each morning to check the amniotic fluid levels and they have risen above what it was when I was first admitted by a little bit each day.  Enzo is utilizing the IV fluids to keep himself floating nice and safe.  They think Enzo may weigh around five pounds.  

The decision to induce labor has been made amongst many sets of different risks to both Enzo and I, and it is a decision that both Enzo’s family and I feel very good with.  We are excited about tomorrow.   

Bed rest has been nothing close to a spa vacation but here are some pictures of Lucy and I making the most of the days.

If you want to receive the up to the minute details on how things go tomorrow you need to make your way over to the tool bar and subscribe to the blog via your email.  Do this even if you already think you subscribe because I know most of my subscribers are on the old service and I know you don’t receive the new posts right away, sometimes it takes over 24 hours.  I know because I am subscribed through both the old and new service.  If you are already on the new service it will tell you and you have the advantage of seeing the posts the second I hit publish.  We will keep you updated!

Wish us luck, say some prayers, and keep on working those rosary beads Grammy C, “Holdernute, we’re headed for the rhubarb patch!”  

© Pocketbebe, 2010

At the 30 week appointment (3 entire weeks ago now) we did the short version (finger prick) of the glucose testing and everything was great there but it showed up that my iron levels were a tad low.  This happened at the end of my last pregnancy also but here is the cool thing, I didn’t get prescribed some honking nasty iron pill that would make me constipated.  Instead, I get to take a semi-nasty shot of Floradix Iron + Herbs Liquid Extract Formula twice a day.  It isn’t the best tasting thing on earth but it is non-constipating and full of lots of the B vitamins too.  I swear it actually makes me feel good and I’m thankful not to be contorting myself into goofy positions just to be able to take a poo at this point though that however may still be on the horizon.

This past weekend Lucy had her baby shower and Surro Friend and I trekked our pregnant bellies down to Miami to celebrate with Lucy.  It was kind-of a crazy trip down, I was using the Google directions application on my Blackberry and every time a text or email came in it made the instructions go wonky so we constantly had changing directions and needless to say we missed the fast route to Miami Beach and instead took a detour that felt like it lasted an eternity and was composed of nothing but potholes that killed our compressed bladders.  We got to our hotel and were informed that we were moved to the hotel next door because they over booked.  We ended up staying in a way nicer hotel, getting free breakfast buffet and free parking out of the deal which was great but in the meltdown that our afternoon was becoming it sure wasn’t convenient to have to go unload, check in next door, bring the car back for parking, and then walk back across the road again in what felt like 200 degree heat, plus spoiler alert nobody takes pity on two pregnant women in Miami.  People like to stare at you but that is about the extent of it.

We were twenty minutes late to dinner at Brio which had me stressing because I hate to be late in situations like that.  We did end up having a wonderful dinner with Lucy, Ricky, Little Ricky, Lucy’s parents, three aunties, a cousin, and Lucy’s friend A and her son who is the same age as Little Ricky (they were NICU buddies when they were born).  After dinner we headed to an ultrasound at a local birthing center and everyone got to see Enzo. 

There is not a time when Enzo doesn’t move around like crazy after I eat, EXCEPT when I am with his parents!!  Once again he was smashing his adorable little face into his placenta and hardly wanted to be bothered.  I was on my side, on my back, you name it; I could have been standing on my head and he probably wouldn’t have moved.  They got a few good shots though and here they are for you to see.

Surro friend and I were tired by the time we got back to the hotel but we didn’t get to bed for another hour because first we had demagnetized our room keys by placing them next to her phone in her purse and once we got that handled I realized I didn’t even have my phone which meant we needed to walk back next door to the other hotel, ask the valet to get our car, find the phone, and ask for it to be parked again before walking back past the creepy cab drivers hanging out on the corner between the hotels and being able to hit the hay.

Sunday morning, the day of Lucy’s shower, we ate our free breakfast and hit the pool to catch some sun and celebrate Surro Friend’s birthday.  We each had a virgin strawberry daiquiri and took a dip in the ocean before getting ready for the shower.

Lucy’s shower was thrown by her mom and friend A.  It was held at a Greek restaurant called, Thira.  It was really beautiful and they had everything set up so nice and decorated in blue.  Lucy and I both wore pink which I guess is a little odd since Enzo is a boy but the pink really popped against the blue decorations and I think we looked good.  When Lucy arrived everyone started clapping and I got a little teary because it was so awesome that Lucy got to have that moment and a baby shower.  When Little Ricky was born premature she didn’t get to have the traditional shower and I was just so happy that she was having that one.  I won’t lie either, it is pretty amazing to get to be the person who plays a big part in the whole shebang; it is something I will never forget.  She smiled and looked beautiful of course, glowing really.  Lucy has a great support system and everyone was so nice and wonderful, I loved them all.  Enzo is beyond loved as is his older brother.  We played a few games, listened to music, and Lucy opened her gifts and before we knew it we were back in the car and headed north.

It was really a fun 24 + hours even though it was a whirlwind and it took me two days to recover from it.  I promise to write sooner than later, did I mention that I have a child who is in middle school now?  At any rate, I’m just trying to survive her schedule and believe me, I’d rather be writing sometimes instead of trying to keep it all straight.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

I know I just posted yesterday but I will be leaving this afternoon for a convention and when I return school will start for the kids and then we will have our 30 week prenatal appointment and this post would get put off in lieu of telling you what happened at the appointment, etc., etc., etc.

This post is a follow-up post to Birthing 101 where I detailed what The Husband and I learned in birthing class and I how I turn into a crotchety witch who is very demanding of her husband when in labor.  Now, that is just the first layer, let’s talk about the second layer…the co-birth.

Let me set the stage for a second. If all goes properly planned as we all hope it does, at the birthing center in the birthing room on the day of delivery will be me, The Husband, Lucy, Ricky, our midwife, the birthing assistant, and the photographer who is taking the combined pregnancy, delivery, and newborn photos for Lucy.  I’m not sure if Lucy and Ricky will have any of their other family at the center waiting to meet Enzo or not but I don’t think any of my family will meet him until we have all been released from the birthing center.  My only hope post delivery is that it works out to get my kids down to the Tampa area to visually see Enzo and meet him before the Ricardo’s head back to Miami; kind-of that full circle moment. 

Now, back to the concept of going through labor and delivery of someone else’s child and having a co-birth.  This is something none of us have ever done.  My primary support will be my husband because he is what I know and he has always been the person, beyond my mom, since meeting him in the second grade that has always been around and willing to deal with all my crap. Oh yeah, we’ve also done this together several other times.  Last time when we had our daughter I wouldn’t even let him drop me off while he parked the car out of fear I’d be separated from him for a single second while in pain.  That fear itself is interesting to me as in our typical day to day lives we are both highly independent.   New to the equation will be full on participation by Lucy in whatever way makes her comfortable.  I only say Lucy because even though Ricky will be there too, I don’t see him fully engaged in putting ice chips in my mouth or anything like that.  Crazier things have happened in emotionally charged moments though and if he willingly jumps in during a time of my instability due to pain, more power to him.

Does co-birthing this baby make me uncomfortable, yes and no.  Yes, only in the sense that I am a high control person and I have to be willing to “let go” in front of Lucy and Ricky in order to get their baby here.  Labor and delivery is hard work, it is messy, facial expressions, body parts, and all of that are kind-of distorted and ugly; I’m in survival mode period.  My personality can get (more) ugly, I get cross at my husband the F- word could escape.  I used it so liberally during the delivery of daughter number two that my mom was trying to cover up my mouth in embarrassment while I was in the middle of pushing. I don’t necessarily like the idea of having poor Enzo’s parents witness any of that but they can’t not be there either this is their son’s birth. It is something I can’t let bother me because in the end if I tried to perform or be a certain way during the delivery it just wouldn’t be real or right.  Plus, with everything else going on, I just wouldn’t have the energy.

 If I had my way I’d be one of those women you see on the Discovery Health channel sitting in the birthing pool cool, calm, and collected opening her eyes wide with excitement saying in a soft whisper, “The baby is crowning, please get ready to catch him. I’m going to give one good push and then he will be here.”  It’s a lofty goal but the reality is that it is one I doubt I reach this time around, I know myself better than that.  Let’s just assume the pictures the photographer will capture will be interesting to say the least.

So, we need to talk more with our midwife but as I’ve mentioned before I’d like to experience a water birth if possible.  If that gets to be the case when Enzo arrives we are assuming that instead of putting him on me that Lucy will be right there to put him on her chest. I’m thinking we need to get her some scrubs for the occasion with Easy Bake or Dairy Maid embroidered on them.  I’m not sure how fast they will clamp and cut the cord because Lucy and Ricky are wanting to bank and store the cord blood.  At whatever point he is detached from me I believe that Lucy and Ricky and their birthing assistant will go into the suite next to mine that they have reserved to assess Enzo (I know that the pediatrician in Lucy will have already assessed him from head to toe the minute he arrives), clean him up, and begin nursing and bonding with their new baby.  I imagine I will be in my room finishing up delivering the placenta, getting stitched up if necessary, and getting myself generally put back together.  The Husband will be happy to fully have his wife back very shortly but sad at having to share again with me any designated driver duties. I’ve mentioned the wine right? I wonder if they would let me bring in a margarita maker?  Just kidding.  The onset of feel good hormones will rush in after the delivery (the ones that make you not hate your baby for the pain they just put you through) and those feel good hormones in my case will be directed at the happiness of just completing the climb, seeing the Ricardo family with their new little boy, and the feeling of pride for what I was able to do for someone else. 

I know that it isn’t easy for anyone that hasn’t been a gestational surrogate to truly believe that last sentence and I will do my best to try to explain in a future blog post (probably after delivery because you won’t believe me now anyway) why I won’t turn to a puddle of mush or find myself committed to the psych ward after this is all said and done.  For now, really try to understand that I can really care about someone/something but not want it to belong to me.

Enzo is 29 weeks this week and we are on our way to 30 as of Friday.  On Friday we will only have 10 more weeks until a fully cooked baby, though it is generally safe for him to arrive anytime between 37 and 42 weeks.  Lord, help us that he arrives before or at the latest, only a few days after 40 weeks.

Enzo’s muscles, lungs, and brain are developing rapidly and Enzo is building those brain bridges by taking the majority of my stores of DHA now to make him smart.  Great, right?  More pregnancy stupids than usual for me.  I’m suprised I can even remember my own name at this point.  Calcium is very important at this stage in the pregnancy as about 250 milligrams are being deposited into his hardening skeleton each day.

Enzo is very active and I don’t have to worry too much about doing kick counts for him because he will move around constantly for about 30 minutes each time I start eating a meal or by ten minutes after I finish. 

I am carrying Enzo different than I’ve carried my girls up to this point.  He seems pretty high and I don’t seem as big around yet as I was with them.  I know a lot of the weight has filled up empty pockets on my thighs and butt as it is attractively puckering like an orange peel.  The belly button is half way on its way to being all the way out but otherwise like with the girls I’ve been blessed with a stretch mark free, rounded belly that will look nice for Lucy and Ricky’s pregnancy memory photos.

Last time we were at our appointment the midwife said Enzo was already lounging with his head down and that statistically they will generally stay that way.  Babies get their own ideas and tend to do what they want but it is good news should he continue to stay that way and I am doing my part by avoiding the recliner (which prompts a lot of babies to flip breech) and by cashing in on my helpful habit of always wanting to be on my left side.  Stay Enzo, stay.

My Time:

Just so I can put an end to the complaining about my eye and you can all be happy that I will now shut-up, let me fill you in on the last development.  It only took one day for there to be a cancellation at the dermatologist, either that or the lady knew I wouldn’t let up until they closed their doors after the last appointment on Friday afternoon.  I was able to see an actual doctor this time and he used the method Lucy had told me they should use before I even went the first time.  I didn’t have to pay for the return visit but I did get to pay for pathology again which is annoying in a way because pathology was already being run on the first half of the SAME specimen.   Whatever, I know it is policy but ugh… Anyway, right away I could tell it had at least been removed and unless the hormones get involved, shouldn’t be a problem.  Afterwards it looked like a cigarette was put out in my eyebrow but this time the healing is much better than I expected.  I am now a happy camper and at least one silver lining to this whole headache is that in being self employed we can deduct medical expense.

So, I still wanted to go over the birthing class we had to take and that was put on by June from Happy Birth Way.  Like I mentioned before, I was hoping for a special couple to stick out that I could entertain you with snarky stories about but that was not the case.  We had a really cool group of people attend our class and it was very much enjoyable.  In a way it was a neat do-over for The Husband and I because we hadn’t taken a birthing class since I was 20 and he was 22 and during that class our mentality was like, “Dude, just tell us what we need to know about the drugs, we plan on going that route and you can forget about anything latching onto my/her boob so we don’t need to know about that nonsense either.”  Obviously, we’ve come a long way in eleven years and breastfeeding along with natural labor progressed with two children after that by trial and error and by becoming self aware.  I think The Husband and I make a great labor team but attending the class and having June put words to the things we’d instinctively picked up along the way was very helpful and made me feel even more confident that we are going to rock this labor out with Enzo and get him into Lucy and Ricky’s arms in the most healthy way possible for all of us.

Here in no specific order are some of the notes I made while there:

1.  What do we know about labor pain?

P: It peaks and it is predictable.

A: It is there to get attention and to help as a guide through the labor stages.

I:  Intuitive, which means that a woman tends to tune into her instinctive wisdom that is already there during the pain of labor. 

N: It is normal!

2. Two assets women have in labor is breathing and mobility.

Breathing deeply is the link between the mind and the body.  It tells our pituitary gland to release calming hormones and not adrenaline.  Fight and flight response with the release of adrenaline is not going to get us anywhere good during labor.  Don’t waste energy on tensing.  The quote by some famous midwife that made us laugh was, “A tight tensed face, jaw, and body makes a tight tense cervix.”

Lips parted and making an ahh, ooo sound or even moo at the end of a contraction helps stay relaxed and can even make a laugh when in great pain which releases the feel good hormones.

Mobility is just having the ability to move around and follow the body’s instincts with the use of gravity to help baby progress through the phases it needs to.  Having mobility helps labor progress faster in most cases.

3. Rehydrate: take a sip after every contraction and pee every hour. At the hospital they will put an IV in so this may be a mute point for hospital births but it is necessary to keep fluids moving as the amniotic fluid is still flushing out and replenishing itself in the womb through the end of labor.

4. I learned there is a contraction application for cell phones to time the contractions for you which will come in so handy as I am usually the one who has to keep track of my own contractions while The Husband is driving.  Yeah baby on technology to that one!

We talked about partner and family support and since I’ve been through labor a few times I can generally estimate how I will be though birthing at the birthing center will provide me with many new opportunities this time around.

1. I don’t like a lot of chatting of the people around me.  Side noise like music or some television shows aren’t distracting but cell phones ringing, vibrating, whatnot tends to bug me.  I get total sensory overload during birth and I’d like the lights to be dimmed even though most of the time I seem to have my face or eyes covered.  I totally believe in the 3 year-old mentality of, “If I can’t see you, you can’t see me”, move.  Remember Office Space and the “O Face” scene? Yeah, there is a version of that for laboring women and I don’t like it.  If my eyes are open I am usually in a dead stare at the Dallas Cowboy’s star that generally graces most my husband’s shirts.  Cowboy’s apparel has been requested at the last two birthing experiences.  I am sure Enzo’s birth won’t be an exception.
2. The Husband has to have all attention on me and my needs unless I say it is ok that he doesn’t.
3. Nobody can eat in front of me unless I am also eating the same thing.  Some smells are just too much and throwing up while also having a contraction is somewhat akin to throwing up and having diarrhea at the same time, not awesome..  Also, someone else’s chewing sounds are annoying.
4. Praise.  By transition phase it is natural for the birthing person to lose a little bit of faith in themselves as labor becomes very intensive, I need a lot of praise at this time to be energized to keep going.
5. Strength and endurance.  Pure strength from my husband to literally hold me up, provide counter pressure, reminders of what PAIN stands for, options in positions and consistent understanding when the “reasoning” side of my brain shuts down and gives over to the primal. 

 Besides some of the things I listed above I did leave class with two of my own theories that I’ve come to out of my own observations. One, I think men who tend to be a bit overweight but have wives that aren’t, generally show more affection in public (it probably works both ways) than other people naturally do and that you have to be anything BUT savory looking in appearance to be a birthing parent for a training video (if you’re a midwife in a birth training video you need to have, at least, a 3 inch minimum length of armpit hair visible to the viewing audience. Bonus points if it is braided).  I’m just sayin’….

© Pocketbebe, 2010

Enzo’s Blog:

So, Enzo is 27 weeks gestation this week.  Babycenter.com says that this week Enzo weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with his legs extended.  Funny, because at the ultrasound during week 24 the ultrasound tech said from his experiences he thought Enzo weighed two pounds then.  I think he is full of bologna and I think Lucy even said that a two pound weight would be impressive since when Little Ricky arrived four weeks later, at 28 weeks, he weighed in right at two pounds. 

Sidebar: Just FYI, according to The Guide to a Healthy Birth, estimating the size of a baby especially at the end of a pregnancy is an incredibly imprecise science.   Studies have shown that ultrasounds, a medical provider’s estimate, and even the mother’s own estimates are about equivalent in guessing the size of a baby in a healthy mother. It further goes on to state that a baby’s size is never a valid reason to induce a woman’s labor and that any medical provider who suggests it is not practicing according to the standards of their own profession.   

Enzo is supposed to be sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing his eyes, and perhaps even sucking his fingers (or the placenta in Enzo’s case). Brain tissue is developing and Enzo’s brain is very active now. While his lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if he were to be born now. I’m supposed to chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements I may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on.  I had to laugh while reading that because it was only a few nights ago that I woke up around 4:30 am to go the bathroom and when I lay back down I felt Enzo have the hiccups for the first time. Lucy is on a work week and I knew she would be awake so I texted her about this new development because it is always exciting to have something new to report to Baby Mama.

At this point in Lucy’s pregnancy with Little Ricky (which is to the day exactly the same as this pregnancy remember because we both had embryo transfers on Jan. 27^th) she had already been battling preeclampsia for a week and popping high blood pressure medicine like candy.  I am so thankful that God is allowing Enzo to develop right on schedule and without these complications.  Having a surrogate can be tough for intended parents, especially moms, they give up a lot letting other people carry their babies through gestation and while I can’t fully understand that since I have not been in that position, I know that Lucy is relieved to be living through last week and the next few weeks with a lot less stress this time around. A big thanks to God for giving her this gift because even with surrogates who have awesome track records, anything is possible.

My Time:

In 2001 I had my eyebrows waxed (just days prior to my wedding I might add) and in part of my eyebrow I developed a stork bite, also called nevus simplex that happens from a stretching (dilation) of certain blood vessels.  In the stork bite state it was only noticeable when I wasn’t wearing make-up and even then most people never even noticed it and I went through two pregnancies without it being affected.  This past May, for the first time since the 2001 episode, I let someone else wax my eyebrows and of course since I didn’t give super precise instructions to not alter my shape the gal waxed over the stork bite retraumatizing the small blood vessels. Add in a combination of increased blood volume from being pregnant and all the hormones on the loose my little stork bite changed into a hemangioma with active cell dividing activity. In short, it was no longer flat and hidden with make-up it was a shiny, growing, “red hot” looking zit in my eyebrow that The Husband swears was getting bigger by the day.  He totally enjoyed having something to pick on me for. Well, today all my girls and I went to the dermatologist to have it removed.  After a numbing injection, a slice, and some cauterizing I was patched up and ready to go.  My kids were grossed out and scared by the injection in the eye (umm..try like over 40 injections in the hip daily for IVF) and the smell that comes from the cauterizing.  I made sure to let them know how good of a patient I was and that I should be their example for every future doctor or dentist visit.    So, now as I blog to you my left eye is throbbing a bit and I was told I might develop a black eye before a black scab develops and I get my scar of honor. My grandma always did say that women must suffer to be beautiful (usually said when she was rolling my hair into perm rods as a child).

What I was supposed to blog on this time for you was my adventure in birthing class but that would require me to get out my notes and with the throbbing eye and all, that isn’t possible at the moment.  It will have to wait until the next post.  I will let you know that we did up having a fantastic day despite the letdown in not having my own Vodka/Sex class member to blog about like my Cousin Carrie did.  Our class was pretty awesome along with the hip and fun instructor June Connell.  I highly recommend that if you want to take a Natural Childbirth Class and you live near the Tampa area (or at least in the general region) that you go to one of June’s classes.  Her website is pretty cool also and contains a lot of information along with some unique products you can order if wanted.

I’m off to eat dinner which in turn will kick Enzo into his salsa dancing exercises for the night and then off to bed for some of that much needed beauty sleep that maybe will keep the black eye at bay.

Buenas noches!

© Pocketbebe, 2010

First things first, there has been some confusion on Bebe’s name.  Yes, Enzo is the real name of this growing baby boy and the only one on this blog that IS real.  Why not just use our real names?  The internet can be a crazy place people, point blank….

Enzo is 24 weeks gestation and will be 25 on Friday.  We had a prenatal appointment on Monday and everything is still looking great.  At the birthing center I weighed in at 151.6 pounds.  I started the pregnancy at 135.  I ended my last pregnancy 4 years ago at 155 pounds and I will obviously pass my highest weight ever with this pregnancy.  I am thinking (and hoping) that I will end in the lower 160’s.  My belly measured exactly 24 which is spot on at 24 weeks.  It is in the last 4 weeks or so of pregnancy that the measurement won’t match the week of gestation.  Enzo’s heartbeat sounded good and he even punched or kicked the Doppler during our listen.  Lucy and the midwife talked about Lucy’s progress with preparing to breastfeed Enzo when he is born which is truly fascinating to me.  One minute the midwife is giving advice and tips to Lucy for obtaining the best milk production possible and then the next minute she is giving me tips on how I can end my milk production as fast as possible.  I know it sounds silly but I am truly excited about drinking a glass of celebration wine the day he is actually born!  It is fantastic to me that I can deliver a baby and NOT have to take care of it OR feed it.  I also don’t have to experience the brutal after contractions when the baby nurses!  That was always the worst feeling for me, the sensation of a baby sucking my uterus straight up and out of my breast, sometimes making me throw up in the process.  If you haven’t had more than one kid, you probably don’t know what I’m talking about as it gets worse and worse with each pregnancy and that is when you feel this not so awesome phenomenon; worse than experiencing the “ring of fire” in my opinion.

After our prenatal appointment we went for an elective 3D ultrasound.  Oh my goodness, Enzo looks totally different! He is a little chunky monkey now compared to before.

16 Weeks

24 Weeks

Enzo loves his placenta and stuck to it like a snuggly blanket.  At one point he was literally rubbing his face and nose on it like he was in total admiration.  He did not want to leave his companion to come out for many good shots but here are a few more.  Sometimes it is hard to tell Enzo from the placenta but I’ll try to give you hints.

Enzo’s face is on the far right as you look at the picture, you see his chest extend down from his face, with his thigh and knee directly below the mass of the placenta .  You can see the embilical cord run up the length of his thigh from his belly and how it is attached to the placenta and how the cord is wrapping itself around the placenta.

Enzo’s face was visable right before this picture was taken.  He quickly drew his arm up and covered his eye with his hand.  He is pressing his face into the placenta.

Enzo’s brain is growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing “branches” of the respiratory “tree” as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.  This week marked the “age of viability” which means that should something happen prematurely and Enzo vacated my belly, he would have a fighting chance at survival.

My Time:

So, what is on the horizon?  Well, as of Friday, only 15 more weeks will remain to a full term pregnancy.  We will have the next prenatal appointment at the end of July in four weeks.  After that I will start to be seen biweekly, then weekly.  I will do the sugar glucose testing after the next appointment to test for gestational diabetes.  I will attend the “how to deliver a baby at a birthing center” class with The Husband.  Lucy will have her baby shower in August.  Professional pregnancy photos will be taken in September and baby Enzo will be born in the middle of October, October 10^th if Lucy gets her wish.

Here is my newest, most favorite t-shirt from Lucy.  Don’t you just love it!

During the ultrasound as mentioned above we got some very good looks at the placenta and the tech made the comment that the area where the placenta was attached would be good to buffer any back labor pain should that happen during labor.  Back labor generally happens when a baby is in the posterior position during labor.  Posterior babies are head down like they are supposed to be but they are looking at the abdomen with the back of their heads facing the mother’s back and tailbone, thus generally causing extreme back pain.  Most times babies who are posterior facing will turn before the delivery and if they don’t they arrive “sunny-side up” looking directly at the sky.  Sunny-side up babies occur more often than not in a mother’s first delivery. 

Such was the case with my first daughter.  How unfair is it that the first time you experience the pain of labor you’re more likely to get dealt the blow of back labor on top of it?  Pretty sucky.  Needless to say, at that time I had no intentions of not having an epidural and had I not, I’m not sure if I’d have had any more children or even wanted to be a surrogate.  For everything there is a reason…

Still to this day, I can remember the pain of back labor.  The pain felt during labor is a referred pain, meaning the originating site is the uterus but the actual pain is felt in the abdomen, back, and/or upper thighs.  I remember the labor and delivery nurses wanting me to walk the halls and me wanting to rip their heads off at the suggestion because every time I had a contraction with my sunny-side up baby it felt like she was trying to be delivered through the path of my right thigh and out through my foot.  So each contraction it felt like my belly was being squeezed in a vice, my back was breaking, and fire was shooting down my leg.

My next two labors produced babies that were facing in the normal direction (face down) and thank God because for birth number two, I had the nurse who thought she knew all there was to know about everything and even though I wanted an epidural I was forced to go natural after she didn’t notify the on call anesthesiologist in enough time (that is also a small town hospital for you). Birth number three I hardly made it to the much bigger and better hospital and knew in the parking lot that it was too late for pain medication because I was already in transition. Because of those two labors I got over the fear of the pain and the more educated I became on the labor process the more bearable the pain became.

So to wrap up this very long story, it was pleasing to me to hear that my placenta would provide a good buffer if Enzo decides to go most of the labor facing up because it is a little scary to think of going through back labor in a birthing center setting without the option of drugs.  Either way, I will cope and deal as I have much more faith in myself now than I did back then but every little bit helps.

I end this blog post today on a Twi-high as I just saw Eclipse this morning and thought it was the best one yet.  I loved how they presented deviation from the books in this one but not much if you had read The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner prior to seeing Eclipse.  I read that Twilight fans will now have to wait until November 2011 to see the first of the two installments of Breaking Dawn to hit the big screen.  That is way too long friends, way too long. 

© Pocketbebe, 2010

Enzo is currently 22 weeks gestation and will be 23 weeks on Friday.  He should be measuring around 11 inches long and weigh almost 1 pound.  He should look like a miniature newborn in appearance with his lips, eyelids, and eyebrows becoming more distinct. His eyes have formed, but his irises lack pigment still and his tooth buds are forming. Lanugo hair that covers his body is developing and the deep wrinkles on his skin will start to lessen as he puts on fat to fill them in.  His pancreas, which is essential for the production of some important hormones, is developing steadily inside his little baby tummy.  If we were able to gain a peak at Enzo this week he’d look something like this.

 Enzo is mostly active in the early morning and seems to do quite a bit of rolling, punching, and kicking during that time.  I think he sleeps most of the day as I am moving around nonstop.  In the evenings I will feel him here and there, a lot of times while I am eating dinner.  The other night I was sitting on the end of the couch where our dog, Maya, generally likes to sleep so I think in effort to get me to move she was practically sitting on my lap and had her head rested on the side of my belly.  Enzo started his kicking and punching moves right by her head and every now and again she’d raise her head and look at me like, “What the heck is going on?”  I eventually moved because I got hot but it was the first time I noticed that Enzo’s kicks could be felt externally and that if strong enough they were actually visible too.  It will be neat for the Ricardo’s the next time I see them to feel their baby boy moving around.

My Time:

Well, I’ve been back to the real world since returning home from vacation and The Husband is back to work (meaning long stretches of time where I am solely responsible for all or at least two of our children for many, many, many hours on end) and I yet again remember what a “catch 22” summer really is.  It is so nice to be free of the school drive, homework and projects that always seem to loom ahead of us each week, and all the pressures and stress that come with those activities, BUT, that small taste of freedom comes at the cost of losing any and all alone time that during the past school year I managed to pull off for twelve hours a week while the youngest went to preschool.  Summer comes with trying to do work for the business with my kids underfoot, camp drop-offs and camp pick-ups, lots of “I’m thirsty”, “I’m hungry”, “She’s touching me”, “I need a band-aid”, or “She hit (also interchangeable with bit) me’s”, that send me over the edge.  I am an introvert (a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being continuously around other people) and my lovely amazing children that I love beyond words can suck that energy out of me faster than the Florida heat ever could.  I do get out with the ladies on Wednesday evenings and my mom helps by taking one or all of the kids so I can grocery shop or do bank runs alone but what I really miss during summer is the quiet time that I like to spend alone in my own head.  I know the introverts at heart out there are nodding their heads as they read this, it is how we recharge.  So, while I am enjoying the summer, at the same time I am also coping with the adjustment of a different schedule and falling behind in work in the process.

To go back to the new developments with Enzo’s gymnastics, I think we should discuss the “lure of the belly” and I don’t mean in the weird Aunt Bernie lifting your shirt up for a quick look-see or when arbitrary strangers sidle up for an unwelcome grope of the baby bulge kind of way.  I want to talk about the, “I can’t help but rub and touch my own belly, CONSTANTLY,” kind of way.  For me, even with my own pregnancies, it wasn’t so much a maternal protection/attachment instinct type of action more than it was other things.  Sometimes there are reasons, I will mention a few of them below in a second, but most of the times I just do it because it is there and I can.  Sort of like those “hair twirlers” out there, the ones who randomly grab a strand of their hair and twirl it for no apparent reason. It is like that, but without the knotted tangled mess when it is all said and done.  ***Real quick, I promise not to digress more than a second here, but speaking of hair…Did you know that your hair gets thicker and more full during pregnancy not because suddenly more hair follicles have developed on your head and you sprouted more hair but because as our body systems adjust their priorities to the growing baby it slows the shedding process down and we don’t lose our hair at its normal current rate?  Kind-of interesting, but still bizarre because NEW hair BEGINS to grow on other body parts during pregnancy and I swear growth accelerates in others.  At any rate, back to the subject at hand, a few reasons why I touch my own growing belly at such a high frequency.

1. It is hot and maybe, just maybe if I touch it the skies will part and a miracle of God will cool it off.
2. My skin is stretching and it itches like a __________________ (fill in the blank).
3. I’m letting you off the hook by letting you know that I am pregnant so you can quit looking at me weird because you wonder if I am just getting fat.
4. I’m opening an invitation to address your confusion because you think I’m pregnant but you remember when The Husband and I excitedly celebrated his vasectomy a few years back.  You can’t visibly see me sporting a vibrant letter “A” on my chest, so what gives?
5. I know you know that I am doing a surrogacy and it is ok to talk to me about it.
6. I just don’t know what else to do with my hands at the moment so why not rest them on this convenient little shelf.
7. It feels like the baby has fashioned some sort of shiv in there and is trying to make a break for it. I’m just pressing her/him back into place until he/she has served the required time.
8. Sometimes it hurts as the ligaments stretch and/or as baby practices its karate skills.
9. At the end of the pregnancy the baby is heavy and feels like it could just fall right out the hatch at any moment.  It feels good to offer some support and it helps eliminate that gawd awful waddle we tend to do.
10. Also at the end of a pregnancy, I touch my belly for depth perception.  It is hard to tell or remember just how big the thing is.  It is not cool or socially acceptable to ram your belly into someone out in public or burn it on a heated stove as you reach up into the microwave that sits above it.
11. Pregnancy is an awesome experience and whether I carry a baby of my own or a baby for someone else, the belly reminds me of the magnitude of the miracle that we call LIFE.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

First stop was our birthing center where we did the initial visit and went over all the medical records, legalities, finances, and all that jazz.  Once all that was done Lucy and I (mostly me) was taught how to check my own urine for protein and sugars and how to record the results and my current weight in my chart; it is called patient participation.  After the full exam and culture we were able to hear Bebe’s heartbeat on the Doppler and it was nice and strong.  I asked at least twice what the heartbeat was but now I can’t remember (and Lucy is sleeping since it is her work week so I can’t verify).   It was a very good visit and kicked our prenatal care off to a good start.

After leaving the birthing center we headed straight to the perinatologist because Lucy wanted an ultrasound done and we were able to do the first trimester screen at the same time.  The screen was a combined ultrasound screen and blood test.  The blood testing measured the levels of plasma protein-A (PAPP-A) and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). Combined with the Nuchal Translucency test (ultrasound) that assesses the risk of having a baby with a chromosomal defect by measuring the clear space in Bebe’s neck, the perinatologist is able to identify if there is an increased risk of Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, or congenital heart defects.  Bebe’s measurements were perfect!  Here is Bebe saying, “Hello Friends!”

Lucy, Ricky, and their family were really hoping they would be able to find out the sex of Bebe since we were having the ultrasound done at the perinatologist but Bebe wouldn’t even give them the chance because he/she was sitting indian style and was bouncing around like crazy.  It was probably still too early to see anything but a clear shot of the general area would have been the icing on the cake.  Last picture:

Our next appointment with the midwife and the perinatologist will be on May 17th and we will be 18 weeks pregnant.  The midwife visit will be a routine visit and the visit to the perinatologist will be for the second trimester screen.  Instead of doing the Multiple Marker Screening or the triple screen (blood test) that is most common in an OB/GYN setting, we will be doing the Stepwise Sequential Screening which will be another ultrasound that when combined with the first trimester screen and the quad marker test it will produce a highly accurate (90-95%) prediction of chromosomal abnormalities.  We will also be able to see if Bebe is a boy or a girl at that visit!!

So, this week we are working in the 13^th week of pregnancy and that means we are now in the second trimester!  This weekend I was able to start back on my allergy medicine.  The pollen count is horrible right now and I was really feeling miserable.  Ever since the first dose of Claritin I have not felt queasy!  It feels wonderful to feel so good!

I’ve only tried four times to use the Doppler that Lucy sent because it is hard and it makes me really frustrated.  I’m getting better at it but I once I find Bebe’s heartbeat I can’t keep it long enough to record it.  I can find my own heartbeat clear as day which sits in the 70’s but finding Bebe’s whose rate is in 150’s is illusive.  I tried to do exactly what the midwife did, but I don’t get the same results. Big sigh….

Five long weeks until our next appointment, I’m going to have to start sharing my getting fat pictures with you since I won’t have anything new to show from Bebe unless I can keep the heartbeat long enough to record it.  This has been the first pregnancy that I haven’t really felt good consistently in the beginning and the first pregnancy that I made it to the second trimester without any weight gain.  Things have shifted, that is for sure but now will probably be the time I start growing my second booty butt, the added layer of back fat, third and fourth thighs, and my second chin.  Sweet!!

Growin’, Growin’, Growin’.  Let’s get it started in here!

© Pocketbebe, 2010

While I certainly don’t agree with some people’s version of the truth and they have the right to not agree with mine, I am always fascinated to follow someone else’s train of thought that led them in forming their opinions and conclusions.  If I were the kind of person to put a bumper sticker on my car it would read, “Screw Taboo, Let’s Talk.”

Writing a personal blog is fun because it not only chronicles the events of my life during this surrogacy, I also get to share my opinions, beliefs, and my train of thought.  I get to choose my exact words, words like “crotch” that embarrass my mother and entertain others, as well as paint the picture of what I see and want you to know.  The reader audience then gets to decide if they want to read what I have to say.  Pretty cool system, eh?

So today I’m going to narrate the thought process I went through when I addressed gestational surrogacy in terms of God, my faith, and my church community.  In effort to keep a highly complex yet simple subject area condensed and to the best of my own ability coherent, I’m going to keep it short (ha ha)and directly related to gestational surrogacy while hopefully still contributing the right amount of detail to provide satisfaction.

God:

I believe God is the uncreated creator of the universe.  I believe that God knows everything and anything at all times.  I believe that God gives, sustains, and takes away life.  I believe He is just in those decisions even though it is incredibly hard on us.  I take seriously the responsibility to make decisions that are pleasing to God and that bring Him glory.  I also know that I sin constantly and fall short.  I believe and know that despite falling short that I still belong to God through what Christ did on the cross.  I love God and I fear God.  I ask God (God, Jesus, and the gift of the Holy Spirit) to be with me and guide me in my daily life and the decisions I am responsible to make.  I ask for forgivness and receive it when I repent.  I ask for discernment in the desires of my heart and for him to show me (through the words in the bible, the Godly people who surround me, strangers, events, circumstances, and my own personal relationship with Him) what He wants me to do.  

Faith:

Just because we have certain technology doesn’t mean we should always use it and just because we can’t physically do something ourselves doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek alternatives or ask others for help.  There are a lot of areas in the world of infertility that I don’t find biblical and wouldn’t partake in but there are areas/procedures that I do think are within Godly limits.  The bible tells us that even before we were born He knew that we were meant to be.  I believe that even babies that are conceived and achieved through teen parents, drug addicts, rape victims, adoption, fertility treatments, in vitro, surrogates, and (in another one of my own experiences- hence the falling short I mentioned above) premarital sex with The Husband are still lives that God knew about, sustained, were meant to be, and have Godly purpose.  It may not always be for any reason we understand, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8).  These babies sometimes arrive surrounded by controversy and many times with consequence to those involved, good or bad sometimes (usually a combination of both) but nonetheless I believe they arrive by a force and a reason greater than us.  I can’t say I know for sure exactly what God thinks about my specific situation with Lucy and Ricky or gestational surrogacy in general anymore than you, my pastor, your pastor, or the Pope thinks they can. It isn’t an area that was mapped out by Him in exact detail for us to know.  I trust and have faith that my decision to be a gestational surrogate along with the decisions that govern my surrogacy agreement are biblically sound.

My Church Community:

Our church community is rather large and I’d say only a small minority even know who I am and what I am doing.  I know that as Bebe grows The Husband and I are going to be doing a lot more explaining on what exactly is going on. 

So far, I have been very blessed.  Anyone who has spoken to me directly has seemed to be sincere and respectful about what I am doing, although I don’t really know what is going on behind my back, lol.  At any rate, the feeling I get from most women in my church community is a mutual understanding of what it feels like to be a mom, what it felt like wanting to be a mom, and sometimes what form it takes to become a mom.  They have all seemed understanding of the desire of a parent to want that genetic link to their child even if that means that someone else has to do the carrying for them.  I am honored and thrilled to be in the presence of their friendship and the support for what I am doing is beyond words.  Having said that, it doesn’t mean ALL of them have come to the same conclusions I have.  Despite that, they still pray for me, laugh with me, cry with me, and love me.   

 Now, most people in our church community have wondered or asked what does the church think?

In the beginning I spoke to the current and past women’s ministry leaders about my desires and plans on becoming a surrogate.  Later I spoke to our head pastor in which I have always felt I’ve had a special relationship with.  His fatherly advice was that he didn’t desire for me to be a surrogate and it was hard to hear that as his personal opinion means a lot to me, but I also felt like I was being clearly called to be a surrogate.  Sidebar: I want to clarify that while I always felt spiritually driven to this decision, I did question myself (constantly) because I didn’t want to be deceived by my own heart or disobey the Lord.  Our church community is amazing and it means a lot to me and The Husband.  In talking with our head pastor I needed to know from a pastoral perspective if what I wanted to do and the specifics concerning the surrogacy was cause for church reprimand or violated moral code.  I wanted to know how the church would respond if someone marched up to the church office demanding to know if they knew what I was doing and what they thought of it.  I was told that my surrogacy situation was not immoral, that I (and my family) wouldn’t be cast from the church family, and in not these exact words that if anyone marched up to the office they would be told it wasn’t any of their concern.  Obviously, I was happy to have received that response.  Of all the risks I’ve assumed in this entire journey the consistency of the church position is actually the one that scares me the most and the one that continually sends me to my knees. 

I want and desire to live a life that is rooted in the Lord because that is the life that will bring me satisfaction and provide the grace I need.  I thought our pastor summed it up well when speaking to the teens about when they make plans for their lives if their plans don’t include God, Jesus, or the church they might as well run head on into a concrete wall and hope they don’t hurt themselves too much in the process.  I spent too many years of my life running head on into that concrete wall, hurting myself and then trying to figure out how to repair the damage.  Navigating God’s plans for my life usually are never clear cut, never make perfect sense and sometimes they are downright hard but I know that living for Him and the growth I see from the constant conversion of my heart in the process leaves me feeling more fulfilled and gives me more freedom than I could have ever imagined and that is why, in all the areas mentioned above, I really needed to take the notion of doing a surrogacy so seriously.

© Pocketbebe, 2010