Livin’ On A Prayer (Special Easter Edition)

April 4, 2010 at 7:10 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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When I was going to school to become a cosmetologist we were told to never discuss the big three, the trifecta of client downfall: religion, politics, and sex.  I’ve never really been down with keeping quiet about tough subjects and eventually ended up working in a salon where all three were discussed openly and sometimes at length, it was awesome and kept things interesting.  Much more interesting than double knee surgeries, BM schedules, and hip replacements the Florida retiree set likes to chat nonstop about. 

While I certainly don’t agree with some people’s version of the truth and they have the right to not agree with mine, I am always fascinated to follow someone else’s train of thought that led them in forming their opinions and conclusions.  If I were the kind of person to put a bumper sticker on my car it would read, “Screw Taboo, Let’s Talk.”

Writing a personal blog is fun because it not only chronicles the events of my life during this surrogacy, I also get to share my opinions, beliefs, and my train of thought.  I get to choose my exact words, words like “crotch” that embarrass my mother and entertain others, as well as paint the picture of what I see and want you to know.  The reader audience then gets to decide if they want to read what I have to say.  Pretty cool system, eh?

So today I’m going to narrate the thought process I went through when I addressed gestational surrogacy in terms of God, my faith, and my church community.  In effort to keep a highly complex yet simple subject area condensed and to the best of my own ability coherent, I’m going to keep it short (ha ha)and directly related to gestational surrogacy while hopefully still contributing the right amount of detail to provide satisfaction.

God:

I believe God is the uncreated creator of the universe.  I believe that God knows everything and anything at all times.  I believe that God gives, sustains, and takes away life.  I believe He is just in those decisions even though it is incredibly hard on us.  I take seriously the responsibility to make decisions that are pleasing to God and that bring Him glory.  I also know that I sin constantly and fall short.  I believe and know that despite falling short that I still belong to God through what Christ did on the cross.  I love God and I fear God.  I ask God (God, Jesus, and the gift of the Holy Spirit) to be with me and guide me in my daily life and the decisions I am responsible to make.  I ask for forgivness and receive it when I repent.  I ask for discernment in the desires of my heart and for him to show me (through the words in the bible, the Godly people who surround me, strangers, events, circumstances, and my own personal relationship with Him) what He wants me to do.  

Faith:

Just because we have certain technology doesn’t mean we should always use it and just because we can’t physically do something ourselves doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek alternatives or ask others for help.  There are a lot of areas in the world of infertility that I don’t find biblical and wouldn’t partake in but there are areas/procedures that I do think are within Godly limits.  The bible tells us that even before we were born He knew that we were meant to be.  I believe that even babies that are conceived and achieved through teen parents, drug addicts, rape victims, adoption, fertility treatments, in vitro, surrogates, and (in another one of my own experiences- hence the falling short I mentioned above) premarital sex with The Husband are still lives that God knew about, sustained, were meant to be, and have Godly purpose.  It may not always be for any reason we understand, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8).  These babies sometimes arrive surrounded by controversy and many times with consequence to those involved, good or bad sometimes (usually a combination of both) but nonetheless I believe they arrive by a force and a reason greater than us.  I can’t say I know for sure exactly what God thinks about my specific situation with Lucy and Ricky or gestational surrogacy in general anymore than you, my pastor, your pastor, or the Pope thinks they can. It isn’t an area that was mapped out by Him in exact detail for us to know.  I trust and have faith that my decision to be a gestational surrogate along with the decisions that govern my surrogacy agreement are biblically sound.

My Church Community:

Our church community is rather large and I’d say only a small minority even know who I am and what I am doing.  I know that as Bebe grows The Husband and I are going to be doing a lot more explaining on what exactly is going on. 

So far, I have been very blessed.  Anyone who has spoken to me directly has seemed to be sincere and respectful about what I am doing, although I don’t really know what is going on behind my back, lol.  At any rate, the feeling I get from most women in my church community is a mutual understanding of what it feels like to be a mom, what it felt like wanting to be a mom, and sometimes what form it takes to become a mom.  They have all seemed understanding of the desire of a parent to want that genetic link to their child even if that means that someone else has to do the carrying for them.  I am honored and thrilled to be in the presence of their friendship and the support for what I am doing is beyond words.  Having said that, it doesn’t mean ALL of them have come to the same conclusions I have.  Despite that, they still pray for me, laugh with me, cry with me, and love me.   

 Now, most people in our church community have wondered or asked what does the church think?

In the beginning I spoke to the current and past women’s ministry leaders about my desires and plans on becoming a surrogate.  Later I spoke to our head pastor in which I have always felt I’ve had a special relationship with.  His fatherly advice was that he didn’t desire for me to be a surrogate and it was hard to hear that as his personal opinion means a lot to me, but I also felt like I was being clearly called to be a surrogate.  Sidebar: I want to clarify that while I always felt spiritually driven to this decision, I did question myself (constantly) because I didn’t want to be deceived by my own heart or disobey the Lord.  Our church community is amazing and it means a lot to me and The Husband.  In talking with our head pastor I needed to know from a pastoral perspective if what I wanted to do and the specifics concerning the surrogacy was cause for church reprimand or violated moral code.  I wanted to know how the church would respond if someone marched up to the church office demanding to know if they knew what I was doing and what they thought of it.  I was told that my surrogacy situation was not immoral, that I (and my family) wouldn’t be cast from the church family, and in not these exact words that if anyone marched up to the office they would be told it wasn’t any of their concern.  Obviously, I was happy to have received that response.  Of all the risks I’ve assumed in this entire journey the consistency of the church position is actually the one that scares me the most and the one that continually sends me to my knees. 

I want and desire to live a life that is rooted in the Lord because that is the life that will bring me satisfaction and provide the grace I need.  I thought our pastor summed it up well when speaking to the teens about when they make plans for their lives if their plans don’t include God, Jesus, or the church they might as well run head on into a concrete wall and hope they don’t hurt themselves too much in the process.  I spent too many years of my life running head on into that concrete wall, hurting myself and then trying to figure out how to repair the damage.  Navigating God’s plans for my life usually are never clear cut, never make perfect sense and sometimes they are downright hard but I know that living for Him and the growth I see from the constant conversion of my heart in the process leaves me feeling more fulfilled and gives me more freedom than I could have ever imagined and that is why, in all the areas mentioned above, I really needed to take the notion of doing a surrogacy so seriously.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

7 Comments

Bebe Bumps

March 31, 2010 at 12:41 PM (Our Journey, Uncategorized)

Hola amigos!  This is week eleven. Whoo-whoo! 

Bebe’s Blog:

I’ve felt some baby bumps this past week.  I think Bebe is practicing the backstroke or maybe even some freestyle in there but hasn’t quite perfected the art of the flip-turn yet.  The size of the pool is growing but Bebe is keeping up his/her own growth at the same rate.

This is what Bebe is looking like this week:

Bebe is about 1 ½ inches long and is about the size of a fig.  I wasn’t really sure what a fig looked like so I googled it and this is what google images came up with:

 

Bebe’s hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of the bones are beginning to harden.  Bebe is kicking, stretching, and moving around effortlessly.  Bebe can now hiccup because his/her diaphragm is forming.

Lucy ordered a fetal Doppler that should arrive sometime tomorrow and I am beyond excited to try and find the heartbeat.  We haven’t seen or heard Bebe since week 8 at the fertility clinic in Tampa.  I hope I will be able to locate Bebe, I’m going to start off by aiming for the bottom left corner of my tummy in the fashion the doctors have always done during my own pregnancies.  She told me the Doppler has the ability to plug into the computer so I can record the session and send it to them. I imagine we will do lots of live sessions but that I will also do a lot of recordings so Lucy, Ricky, and Little Ricky can enjoy them together during their specials times. 

My Time:

So, as of this Friday the weaning will be over and I will no longer be on progesterone capsules or injections!  Yeah, baby!  I am up to four Sharps containers and I went to the landfill last week (when I cleaned out the little girls’ room and pretty much threw away everything they owned.  Including their collection of Chinese manufactured piece of crap McDonald’s toys that of course were declared as their “Absolute FA-VO-RI-TE toys.”  Whatever, they hit the dumpster with flying colors). Anyway, my point was that while I was there I scoped out what I needed to do when I brought the Sharps containers for disposal.  I was told I’d go to the office and they would have ME dispose of them.  I got the feeling no dump employee would be actually be touching the sealed containers themselves so that was a little disappointing, what about my scrap book ya’ll? But, we will just see how it all goes down and trust me that I will get some sort of satisfying photo out of the deal.  I am just going to take a second to toot my own horn and The Husbands by saying that I am SO incredibly proud of the both of us. Myself for receiving a daily injection for over 14 weeks straight and of him for giving them to me night after night even though he hated every jab, flinch, lump, and bruise he had to be a witness to.

I have been feeling better by the day and I am so excited to be getting to the point of pregnancy that I remember loving.  It is hard to tell how much the drugs played into the nausea or if it was just Bebe developing.  I am glad that it is going away and that my friend AK also had a Lone Ranger of a Sea Band that she gave to me after I posted the last blog post.  Can you believe her lone Sea Band was also gray?  So, now with the complete set I am feeling better even though I look like I’m ready to sweat it out to the oldies with some 1980’s wrist bands on. Yeah, I look stupid.

Sleep is starting to become a problem. I can still hardly stay up past ten but I wake up to go to the bathroom around 3:30 am and then can’t get back to sleep until around 5.  I think part of that has to do with the weaning of the sleep-inducing hormone progesterone. The extra dosages aren’t keeping me feeling like I need to nap after every little activity; that is good and I guess a little bad.  However, I am starting to have very bitter feelings toward our dog who seems to sleep though anything- that bi**h! Pun intended. Ha, ha, ha.  Picture of the girl more relaxed and sleeping better than I will be for the foreseeable future.

Broken sleep or not, so happy Bebe is growing and developing.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

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LIFE (like the 11 part series on Discovery but 29 weeks longer)

March 23, 2010 at 1:23 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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Well hello there, long time no chat!  Things are moving right along and I have a lot of catching up to do for you!

Bebe’s Blog:

Two developmental weeks have gone by since I blogged last.  A week ago Bebe was nine weeks old and looked like this:

and was the size of a grape (the red one, Bebe is not a runt!)

 

At 9 weeks Bebe was about an inch long and started to look more human. Essential body parts were all in place even though they’ll be fine-tuned and fully developed in the coming months. Baby’s heart finished dividing into four chambers during the week and the valves started to form — along with Bebe’s tiny teeth. The embryonic “tail” is completely gone and Bebe’s organs, muscles, and nerves were kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won’t be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks and while the eyes are fully formed, Bebe’s eyelids are fused shut and won’t open until 27 weeks. Bebe has tiny earlobes, and mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones (hence the weaning of the artificial hormones!!). Grow Bebe, grow!

This current week is week 10 and as of right now Bebe looks like this:

Amazing that at only ten weeks Bebe has now completed the most critical portion of his/her development. The pregnancy is ¼ over with ¾ remaining, we have counted down 10 out of 40 weeks.  This is the beginning of the fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in Bebe’s body rapidly grow and mature.

Bebe is swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac).  Bebe has tiny nails forming on his/her fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.  Bebe’s limbs can bend now. The outline of the spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from the spinal cord.  Bebe’s forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his/her body.

My Time:

I’ve started weaning off the medications and so far that has been good, I was worried I might have some cramping and spotting.  Fingers crossed it continues to be uneventful.  Listed below is the weaning schedule from nurse YC in Miami:

3/19/2010: STOP patches. Estradiol tablets 1 pill every night. Progesterone vaginal capsules 1 every morning and 1 every evening. Progesterone in oil ½ cc every night. Continue baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins. 

3/26/2010: STOP estradiol pills. Progesterone vaginal capsules one every evening before bedtime. Progesterone in oil ½ cc every other day.Continue Prenatal Vitamins and Baby Aspirin 

 4/02/2010: STOP baby Aspirin,  STOP progesterone in oil, STOP progesterone vaginal capsules. Continue prenatal vitamins!!!!

Lucy has started her regimen to begin getting her body to be ready to breastfeed Bebe when he/she arrives in October.  Information that she found is located here under breastfeeding protocols. 

Last week I went on a two night three day field trip to Tallahassee to study the state government with my daughter’s fifth grade class.  Some of the highlights included watching the kids do a mock trial in the Supreme Court House, visiting a Florida history museum, IMAX film on ocean life, both the old and new Florida State Capitol buildings, and the never to be forgotten school bus breakdown in Georgia after visiting a plantation.  Good times, good times.

 I managed not to gag or throw up in front of anyone and that was in part to a little something called Sea Bands that I wore nonstop.  I didn’t ride the school bus very often but when I did, even the Sea Bands couldn’t keep the queasy away nor did they help any during the IMAX film BUT they did allow me to get myself out of bed in the morning at the booty crack of dawn.  Since I’ve gotten home, the pit of disaster (laundry, toys, and/or dog), has swallowed one of the precious Sea Bands whole and now I only have one,  which renders it useless.  Here is a picture of the Lone Ranger that didn’t help keep the allergy drip down this morning.  I guess it is back to CVS and another ten spot to keep me moving along.

This is the first pregnancy that I have felt this queasy this constantly and there is much deliberation going on in my mind because of it, is it the fertility medication? Is it because I might be carrying a boy this time instead of having a fourth girl pregnancy?  Is it because I have gotten more sensitive to pollen and environmental allergies over the past years?  Age?  What it is, is the million dollar question!  Ideas anyone?

© Pocketbebe, 2010

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Taking Care of Business

March 10, 2010 at 9:45 PM (Our Journey)
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Bebe’s Blog:

Monday was our last appointment at the Tampa fertility clinic! Yay!!!  The appointment was for an ultrasound and we were able to see Bebe with his/her beating heart.  I have a still picture for you but it is really hard to see anything.  Bebe really looks like a gummy bear with its little arm and leg buds sticking out of its little body.  When you see the beating heart it seems like it takes over the whole body area.  Both Lucy and I tried to get video but it didn’t happen this time.  We just expected the tech to leave the scan on a loop like she did last time when she left the room and when we asked about it we were not so nicely told we were out of luck.  We did attempt to decode the ultrasound keyboard ourselves and recall the directions the tech had given to the trainee about the video during the ultrasound but we were both too scared that we would end up erasing the entire session that we kept our hands to ourselves.   

Bebe’s head is at the bottom by the arrow.

We toured two birthing centers, one hospital based birthing center, and a combined practice of midwives and OB/GYN’s that deliver at the hospital based birthing center.  Coming into the surrogacy arrangement Lucy, Ricky, and I had different ideas and different perspectives about what kind of prenatal care and delivery location was the best and I’m not going to say that getting to the final decision was a piece of cake on anyone’s part, but on Monday as Lucy and I went on all the tours and spoke with everyone it just fell into place. 

The last birthing center we visited and the practice of midwives that delivered at the hospital were both great and the next day Lucy said she’d be fine with either one but did have a preference after going home and researching more.  I had gone home after our day, got my injection, and was basically passed out within moments, so I hadn’t been able to wrap my head around a choice yet.  It ended up that she really liked the last birthing center and the way they handled things if Bebe and I needed to have care transferred to an OB mid-pregnancy or to a hospital during delivery.  It was neat to read later the extra research Lucy had found on the birthing center and how it is an extension of a Christian based pregnancy center program geared toward teen mothers with emphasis on the sanctity of life.  I was thrilled at the choice for our care and the chance through the pregnancy to support two ministries that I personally hold close to my heart and devote time to.  In hindsight God clearly had a hand in where we ended up that day and I only regret that we hadn’t come together in prayer and relied on Him the entire time we grappled with all the options.  Oh, how much easier it always is when I rely on Him and how easily I tend to forget that.

My Time:

I forgot about pregnancy dreams and how that is possible I don’t even know, those vivid little scenes that haunt my sleep, pry into the deep ends of my subconscious and ruin my much needed beauty rest.  I don’t know why but they are never vivid dreams full of sunshine, rainbows and butterflies, they are always scary, heart pounding, adrenaline pumping horrors.  The last one I can remember in detail was a dream where my four-year-old daughter was in one of those carnival swing rides and the riders would swing out over a body of water when the ride was in motion.  I stood at the rail and watched as her chair tipped forward while the flimsy chain did nothing to hold her petite little frame in the chair and she slipped out and went head first into the water.  I dove in to save her and that is when I woke up with enough adrenaline induced strength to lift a small car over my head and throw it had I wanted or needed to.  This is a part of pregnancy that I don’t love, it creeps me out.

This is totally unrelated but Lucy signed me up to receive several emails from different sights and one I got in my email today from Parents.com was titled: Pregnancy Bitchiness – Are you a Sufferer?  Seriously?? I’m sure the article is spot on and yes, I am a sufferer but isn’t it kind of sad that curse words have replaced couth in parenting publications?  

To end the day on a good note, I actually made dinner and cooked the meat without gagging or dry heaving in the trash can.  Not only did I cook it, I ate it.  Many times I’m so grossed out after cooking food while pregnant that I can’t even enjoy it, but tonight was an exception!  I don’t know the process but I know that by April 3rd I will be weaned off all fertility medication, so praises there too!

6 Comments

Bebe Bits & Disclaimers

March 5, 2010 at 8:00 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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What a week blog world, what a week.  On top of spending the first ten minutes of every morning gagging from the mingling of allergy related postnasal drip and the existence of Bebe, the week was devoted to finally getting all the business and personal information to the accountant so we can get our taxes done.  In years past this day usually involved at least a few full glasses of wine but this year I sit in blissful silence (The Husband took the two little girls on a special outing and the oldest is in her room reading) and feel happy to be writing you. 

So, I’ve been contemplating on how to continue writing this blog as I seem to have a split readership.  Besides my family and friends, Lucy and Ricky have their family and friends and then there are fellow surrogates and intended parents who read also.  The fact that anyone bothers to read this other than Lucy blows me away and I thank you, thank you, thank you all for that.  However, it does make me cringe a little when I write about ALL the medical aspects and happenings to my “Lady Town” when I know my dad or some unsuspecting family member of Lucy’s from Germany is reading the blog and may be getting more than they bargained for.  Believe me, I never suspected when starting this blog that I’d have so much crotch talk going on, but I want to continue it because I can only wish I’d come across a blog that told me there was such a thing as progesterone capsules AND that they were 100% better than progesterone suppositories.  I find it to be my calling and my duty to not back track now. Fellow surrogates, I do it for you (I’m giving you the secret surrogate salute and holding high a glass full of sparkling white grape juice).  I know, I’m a lot like that middle daughter of mine, I can’t help myself.

I’ve decided to always give you Bebe’s update first and then below that will be my section of ramblings.  Here is your disclaimer now:  In an effort to present the most complete version of this journey I may at times focus a lot of talk on my private parts.  This talk may not be suitable for certain readers and especially those who may not enjoy graphic detailing of all that may, can, and will occur during fertility treatments, pregnancy, and childbirth.  While I believe I am hilariously witty and find this all fascinating I know that a certain percentage of my reader population may not.  In an effort to spare you unpleasant thoughts that may linger further into the future than you may appreciate or anticipate, you will from now on find this warning “CROTCH WATCH” posted prior to any information you may find potentially disturbing and/or life altering.  Anything you read after said warning is read at your own risk.

Bebe’s Blog

Last week Bebe was 7 weeks old.

And the size of a blueberry.

Bebe’s hands and feet started to develop along with little eyelid folds.  Both sides of Bebe’s brain is growing and the liver is making red blood cells until bone marrow forms and takes over doing that job.  The appendix and pancreas is formed and a loop in the growing intestines is turning into the umbilical cord which now has blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from Bebe’s body.

As of today, March 5th, Bebe is 8 weeks old and looks kinda like this:

Bebe has webbed fingers and toes and the eyelids almost cover both eyes.  Breathing tubes are being developed down the throat and into the lungs and primitive neural pathways are being formed in the brain.  Bebe is the size of a kidney bean and is constantly moving and shifting.

We will get to see an ultrasound picture of Bebe again on Monday and by then Bebe will be 8 weeks 3 days old.

Keep growing little one!

My Time:

Health wise I am feeling really good.  Other than feeling tired and the gagging that started this week I don’t have a lot to complain about. Yet…  I’m going to email Miami soon to find out what a tentative weaning schedule for the meds looks like because I am so done and over the Progesterone injections.  I want to start counting down.  As of today I know I will need to be on them for at least two more weeks, but I need a finish line to focus on.  I’ve decided when I am finished I am going to take all three of my sharps containers to the dump (which is a designated sharps location) and take a picture of the dump employee holding the containers for my scrapbook.  It’s the simple things in life that make me smile.

CROTCH WATCH:  The boobs are starting to take on a life of their own and while they look nice and full they are similar to an exhibit at a museum, there to taunt captivated viewers but off limits to touch.  As of the first ultrasound the ban on intercourse has been lifted and for those partners of surrogates-to-be, that totaled 28 days of a sex free life.  Gasp, gulp.  There was no physician enforced abstaining prior to the transfer since my husband had previously been man enough to brave the outpatient clinic for a little rubber band and scalpel time.  According to my current (semi legalistic) bible study book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, we are terrible sinners for that decision, even hell worthy in some religions but we aren’t sweating it too much cause we “gotta have faith, faith, faith,” or at least repent and accept “grace, grace, grace,” if Nancy Leigh DeMoss indeed speaks the absolute truth in her book.  She also claims that “natural family planning is the mother of abortion,” chew on that Catholic believers. Whoo-doggies.  I’m tired, hungry, and getting a little silly (who quotes George Michael or Nancy DeMoss these days?), time to exit the blog and go watch Tosh.O.

  

8 Comments

Bebe Portraits

February 25, 2010 at 4:11 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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Tuesday was exciting because it was the very first ultrasound to see Bebe!  Lucy and Ricky flew to Tampa and our appointment was at 1:15.  It has been confirmed that there is only one bebe growing and its heart was beating at a beautiful 121 beats a minute.  Below is the video and I’ve tried to guide you to the general area by the way of the box.

 Bebe was six weeks and four days old during the ultrasound and this is a more accurate representation of what bebe actually looks like.

 The next ultrasound is scheduled for March 8th and once we reach ten weeks I will begin to wean off the medications and will be released from the fertility clinics. 

Last week I was able to make the switch from progesterone vaginal suppositories to progesterone vaginal capsules.  The suppositories are super nasty yuk and the minute you insert them they melt.  Once they melt you spend the rest of the day (until you get to insert your second dose and start all over again) with a snotty progesterone drip that in my case decided to chemically eat away at my sensitive skin down in Lady Town.  The capsules couldn’t arrive quickly enough and thankfully Lucy had gotten Freedom to make it so I didn’t have to sign for them.  Needless to say, anything would have been better than the vaginal suppositories.  I will even go as far to say I’d rather do a double dose of the progesterone injection before utilizing the suppositories ever again, but the capsules are my new best friend and we compliment each other well.  Once they melt they tend to stay put minus a few granules of powder here and there- so, in my humble opinion if you have the choice, you want capsules verses the suppositories; don’t suffer needlessly, your very own Lady Town will thank you.

Until next time when I come up with more handy dandy information to share with you about my private parts, I bid ye farewell.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

9 Comments

Grow Bebe, Grow!

February 13, 2010 at 11:42 AM (Our Journey)
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The beta from Friday was 1085!  Grow bebe, grow.  We are so thankful!

The Valentine’s Party was fun last night and I think everyone had a nice time despite the game playing and love poem writing I forced everyone to participate in.  Every couple had two words that they had to use to create a poem for their beloved.  One word embraced the Valentine’s Day spirit and the other word was a random object.  The Husband and I had the words flowers and rake.  The Husband’s poem turned out better than mine (I hadn’t counted on that) and I ended up on the losers bench for the “not so Newly Wed” game.  The red dress I had mentioned previously fit and I was so happy to get to wear it, with the shoes.  I mentioned the shoes right?  Too bad I didn’t get a picture taken of the shoes for you, blame it on the pregnancy brain.  There was a very small, miniscule, itsy, bitsy napkin fire that I may or may not have been responsible for that resulted in an itsy, bitsy hole being formed in a borrowed tablecloth.  But, (big but) I know my loving, forgiving friend, AK, will love the replacement I will soon be buying her as much as she loved the old one.  Ay-Yi-Yi!

© Pocketbebe, 2010

5 Comments

Growing Beta

February 11, 2010 at 5:04 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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The beta number for Wednesday, 2/10, was 468.  That is good news!  Tomorrow will be our last beta and also the day I will become five weeks pregnant.  Many people have been asking about the chance of twins; so far, our beta numbers have been consistent with a singleton pregnancy.  We will find out for sure at the ultrasound on Feb. 23rd.

This past week, week four, Baby Center told us that the pocket bebe is the size of a poppy seed.  The primitive placenta is made of two layers right now and the amniotic sac (which houses the baby), the amniotic fluid, and the yolk sac (which produces the baby’s red blood cells) are present.  Picture representation below:

When I was down in Miami on bed rest Lucy sent me some research that she had found on what exactly happens after a five day transfer.  This is what we found out.

This is what happens in a 5dt:   (the link also provides info. for a 3 day transfer)

-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt… Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt….Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt…Placenta cells begin to secrete HCG in the blood
7dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt…HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

I can’t find the site now, but something we read about 2dpt was about how the blastocyst and the uterine lining send signals back and forth prior to the blast attaching.  We decided this communication looked similar to the blinking arrows on the tops of our BlackBerry phones; you know BB owners, the two thick, little, yellow arrows going in opposite directions of each other in the top right corner of the phone. 

More information can also be found at: www.advancedfertility.com

In our research we also came across a site titled Sensitivity Comparison of Pregnancy Tests, and that was informative.  We used e.p.t., First Response, and Target brand once we were already pulling good positives.

That friends, is all I have to report today.  The Husband and I are hosting a couples Valentine’s Day cocktail party and dinner tomorrow evening.  Most of the food is being brought in and we rented the community center so we don’t even have to put forth any effort to clean the house or hide the dog.  I have about five dresses lined up that are calling for me to try them on.  I’ve got a 1950’s bright red number straight from my friend SL’s magic closet that I am dying to try out, along with the most precious matching red shoes.  PRECIOUS I tell you.  It better fit as this may be the last few weeks (fourth pregnancy and all) that I can zip myself up into cocktail dress and manage to pull it off.

Oh, and oh my goodness, I found out that Captain Phil from TLC’s Deadliest Catch died from a massive heart attack this week!  Deadliest Catch is one of our favorite TV shows; my husband and I get hooked “on the crab” each and every season.  Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie is and will always be my favorite.  I am truly sad blog world…

© Pocketbebe, 2010

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Bebe Blessings!

February 8, 2010 at 9:37 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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Lucy and Ricky are going to have a baby!  I am pregnant with their baby!

Home pregnancy testing began on Tuesday, Feb. 2nd which was 6dp5dt (6 days post 5 day transfer, it was a 5 day transfer because the blastocyst had developed for five days after fertilization prior to being frozen).  Anyway, home test #1 was done at 7:20 am and I had to cover the results window so Lucy and I could see the results at the same time over Skype.  When we were able to meet up on the computer later that morning I was holding my breath as I began to look.  It took a special kind of eagle vision to read but I saw the line oh so barely there.  We were EXCITED!  We immediately went into the bathroom (Lucy via computer) and I did another test.  The line showed up darker the second time.  Two faint positives on day six, we were happy. I couldn’t concentrate on a single thing all day, I was so jacked up on adrenaline.  I’m sure both Lucy and I alternated between extreme excitement and worry that whatever blasts were attempting to make a home might at some point decide to change their minds. 

7dp5pt Positive home pregnancy test and the lines were darker than the previous day.  The levels of hCG in my blood were becoming more concentrated. Yay! The blasts hadn’t decided to get out of Dodge and for that we were glad.  We decided to do a “for fun” blood draw to get a count of the hCG present (also called a beta).  I went to the lab but of course I went to one who told me after they drew blood that they couldn’t do the results STAT (quick) and that the number wouldn’t be available until the next day.  That sucked!!  The next morning Lucy got the results and the beta number was 45 from that draw (Lucy’s had been 41 on that day with Little Ricky). Yippee!

8dp5dt Positive home pregnancy test.  Lines turning faster and getting darker.

9dp5dt Positive.  “For fun” beta draw and this time I went to the hospital lab so we could get STAT results.  The beta was 117.

10dp5dt Positive.

11dp5dt Positive.

12dp5dt TODAY!!  Beta levels 252.

I will have two more draws, one on Wednesday, Feb. 10th and Friday, Feb. 12th.

The beta levels have continued to rise over the days and we feel confident at this point to declare that the transfer was a success! 

I am considered 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant and we will have a due date of either October 15th or October 16th.

Our first vaginal ultrasound will be on Feb. 23rd where we will hopefully see bebe-to-be and hear the heartbeat.

We both feel so incredibly blessed as this was the one shot (without starting a whole new fresh cycle) Lucy and Ricky had for creating a sibling for Little Ricky. God willing we will see this through to the middle of October.  We are happy, happy, happy!!!! 

I’m singing Celebration by Kool & The Gang in my head right now.  I’d be doing a little Irish jig if I weren’t warming my bum for my nightly injection.  Bring on the Progesterone; we’ve got a baby to grow!

© Pocketbebe, 2010

8 Comments

Transfer Details

February 7, 2010 at 6:12 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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D’Ann:

I really want to take a nap but I know I promised you details of the transfer.  I hope you enjoy!

The flight and everything to Miami was perfectly timed and we got to the hotel in time for Lucy to give me my progesterone injection.  Lucy told me I needed to eat 1 cup of pineapple for the next three days, starting that night per the instructions of the acupuncturist; something about the something in fresh pineapple being good for FETs (frozen embryo transfers).  After eating the pineapple my mom and I were both pretty tired so it was a quick transition to sleep time and before I knew it, transfer day was upon us.

The morning of the transfer I enjoyed a LONG, hot shower as I knew it would be 48 hours before I got another one.  We all dressed in matching transfer shirts that had a pink Pocket Bebe logo on it and I began drinking my first required bottle of water to help fill up the ole’ bladder.

 Lucy picked up my mom and I and we headed over to her house where Lucy’s parents, Nana and Ay-Yi-Yi, along with Little Ricky were waiting for us.  Nana had brought a Mexican King Cake that someone she knew created for the occasion and I was told to make the first cut, no pressure or anything, but to cut and find one of the four plastic babies that were hidden in it for good luck.  For further history on the King Cake within the Mexican/Spanish tradition click here.  Well, the very first cut, I landed on a baby.  We ended the cake cutting with two little Mexican babies; we felt optimistic and thanked God for bringing us this far in the journey while remembering that the outcome of the day was ultimately up to Him.

After arriving at the clinic, I had my first session of acupuncture with Noelle who was super awesome; I felt totally relaxed and almost giddy when she was done.  It was a little stressful wondering about the state of the embryos and if we were even going to have a transfer but Lucy said she’d be working on figuring that out while I relaxed. Most surrogates usually get prescribed Valium to take prior to a transfer but either our clinic doesn’t use it or they forgot to order it with my meds.  I wasn’t upset with not having it, I was actually very happy; I don’t like feeling out of control and loopy (unless I’m at a Rascal Flatts concert or my 30th birthday party and margaritas are the reason).  Plus, I have a tendency to say inappropriate things when in those kinds of states, usually consisting of much talk about the abundance or lack of abundance of someone’s bust size or liberally using choice four letter words to over emphasize my thoughts and feelings.  I think I was spared great embarrassment to myself (especially because we videotaped the whole event) with the absence of this little drug and I felt much more at ease without it then with it.

Prior to my own transfer, I was able to attend a transfer with Surro Friend, and I was surprised that the room mine was taking place in was just a normal exam room.  Hers had been in a sterile surgical room type of setting and mine just seemed anticlimactic in comparison. Nobody had to dress in blue gowns, paper booties, or paper hats -except the embryologist.  Though the room was just normal, I did notice that they kept the medical supplies in a rolling tool chest like the one my grandpa used to store his greasy wrenches and screwdrivers in when I was little.  I don’t know why I’m mentioning that, other than that was what I saw.  My neck was horribly uncomfortable and while we waited Nana suggested I use my folded up jeans as a pillow and that helped a ton.

A few minutes later I was totally prepped for a transfer even though nobody had come to talk to Lucy about the state of their blastocysts yet.  I figured something must be there to transfer or they wouldn’t have prepped me and had all of us ready and in the room.  The embryologist finally came through her little magical side door with pictures of two blastocysts in her hands.  I was relieved and then instantly about started to cry when I heard she’d needed to “defrost” ALL four of them to get those perfect two.  This was our ONE and ONLY shot.  I prayed that God wanted this for Lucy and Ricky as much as we all did. 

The lights were dimmed for the main event and all of “Lady Town” was on display to everyone as Dr. B came in and began doing her thing.  It went pretty quick and I realized how bad I needed to go potty when the speculum was in.  We watched as both the little bebe blasts were shot into my uterus arriving in their little fluid bubble to the designated spot.  Two vaginal progesterone suppositories later (these are INCREDIBLE fun by the way, NOT) my bottom was raised up above my torso to wait.  I had a second 30 minute session of acupuncture in this position which was probably best as it didn’t feel as if might wet myself at any moment.

After the acupuncture the nurse came in and dressed me, underwear and all, which I thought was weird but then figured most women at that point probably still have Valium in their systems and can’t do it for themselves without risk of falling off the exam table.  I got to use the restroom which was real interesting since I was trying not to push at all while doing it. 

I walked out of the bathroom and out of the clinic where we took a ton of pictures and then I got in the car with my mom, Nana, and Ay-Yi-Yi.  Lucy and Ricky went separately and stopped off at a church to pray.  Lucy called Nana several times on our trip to the hotel to make sure I was lying down and had my feet up on the window.  Once at the hotel, I got in my jammie pants and right into bed.  Nana and Ay-Yi-Yi went to get my mom and I Panera for lunch but were ordered by Lucy to leave immediately after delivering it so I could rest.

For the next 48 hours, we ate food that Lucy and Ricky would bring over, watched TV, and talked.  I didn’t watch a single movie or read a single book and the time seemed to go fast.  The next day after the transfer, Lucy brought me her laptop which was able to connect to the internet when mine wouldn’t but I didn’t have the energy to do more than read a few blogs here and there between my hefty napping.  I think I had a hormone headache from the extra 400 mg of progesterone I received after the transfer and that lasted for about 30 mind numbing hours.

On Friday at 4:30 pm I was sprung from bed rest and washing my hair NEVER felt soooo good.  We went out to celebrate the transfer by eating at a beautiful restaurant called the Rusty Pelican with Lucy, Ricky, and Little Ricky.  The food was excellent and we were right on the water, it was gorgeous.  Lucy and Ricky gave me an amazing necklace that has three separate crosses that overlay each other representing the Godhead and our own journey as surrogate mother, bebe, and mother.  It was perfect.  Lucy concluded our evening by giving me my Progesterone injection in the parking lot while I leaned over the hood of her Honda, looking at the vibrant moon as it shimmered over the bay. I was sure we might end up on an episode of COPS at that point.

The next morning Lucy dropped my mom and me off at the airport and before I knew it we were back at home and our amazing trip to Miami was over.  Now it was time to continue meds, wait, and pray.

Lucy:

It now seems like the transfer was a long time ago. The experience was a magical whirr of warm fuzzies and excitement. It constantly amazes me that D’Ann would willingly adhere, insert, inject and ingest medications just so we could have an opportunity to love and enjoy another child. Really incredible. I could not be happier with the results of our transfer. The blasts were absolutely beautiful and seeing them float into the depths of D’Ann’s endometirum reminded me of Horton Hears a Who somehow. It seemed like they were tiny specks of children floating along happily in their culture liquid, but once examined more closely under the microscope, a jumble of cells busy with potential. I can imagine them yelling “We’re Here, We’re Here!” Obviously I read too much Dr. Seuss.  Now, we wait and wait and wonder and wait. I have been here before and it’s not fun.  In the mean time we will be dissecting every possible sign and symptom until we reach testing time.

© Pocketbebe, 2010

P.S. Plan on checking back tomorrow Feb. 8th for more news!

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