Top 10 List: Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory -2

October 31, 2009 at 11:18 AM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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Filling out the 567 questions contained in the MMPI-2 is also part of the psychological testing for gestational surrogacy.  The MMPI-2 is designed to aid in the assessment of a wide range of clinical conditions.  It is used in nonclinical settings to assess people who are candidates for high-risk public safety positions; as ART has become more sophisticated, these tests are used to assess the personality of potential Egg Donors, Surrogates and Intended Parents.  More specifically, the test is used to provide the psychologist a backdrop with which to determine the suitability of these persons contemplating the medical procedures.  The questions are of the true-false variety and the test results can demonstrate certain psychological traits such as honesty, dependency and manipulativeness.

Below I have compiled D’Ann’s Top 10 List of the best scratch your head, things that make you go hmmm, questions offered by the MMPI-2:

10. I am very seldom troubled by constipation.

9. At times I feel like swearing.

8. I think I would like the kind of work a forest ranger does.

7. I would rather win than lose in a game.

6. Sometimes in elections I vote for people about whom I know very little.

5. If I were an artist I would like to draw flowers.

4. I was fond of excitement when I was young.

3. I drink an unusually large amount of water every day.

2. At times I hear so well it bothers me.

1. I used to like to play hopscotch and jump rope.

A few of the questions on this test you don’t dare answer if you hold any sort of “faith based” beliefs.  I’m not sure how this test is exactly graded, but I’m just going to assume it wouldn’t look good for me to mark true on the question, “I sometimes talk to things I can’t see.” 

Are you there God, it’s me..CRAZY.

© Pocketbebe, 2009.

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Needles, Speculum, Psychologists; Oh My!

October 26, 2009 at 1:27 PM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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 This past week I hit the road on a one day whirl-wind trip to Miami to see the fertility wizard.  After having invested an entire year into this process, it felt surreal to finally start medical procedures; it was so exciting!  One of the medical procedures, a sonohysterogram, had to be performed within the first twelve days of my menstrual cycle.  Aunt Flo (AF) had made her visit the week prior which meant we needed to get our appointment scheduled pronto.  The plane hit the tarmac early Friday morning and I was off and running!

Both Lucy and I have the tendency to run a little bit behind schedule, so naturally we were late getting to our first appointment which was with the psychologist.  I was really nervous (and a tad jittery from the Starbucks caramel frappuccino I’d just inhaled) but sat on the couch and endured the onslaught of psychological questions tossed my way.  Thankfully, due to my obsession with thinking, I had already postulated questions and had an array of thoughtfully prepared answers for most every question I was asked.  Consequently, the doctor and I managed to proceed through the polite but stiff verbal assessment of my psyche at considerable speed.  When Lucy returned from T.J. Maxx to collect me, I had been stamped with a professional seal of approval.  Surprisingly, it was that simple.

We made a quick stop at Ricky’s office to say, “hola”.  Then we were off to enjoy almuerzo (lunch) at Pollo Tropical which I mispronounced in my very English way of speaking leading to Lucy’s inevitable giggling/ribbing.

Running par for the course, we arrived at the fertility clinic a few minutes late but were greeted warmly by the most glamorous office staff I have ever seen (this was Miami after all).  I was scheduled to have a physical exam, blood work (approximately 8 vials were collected), urine work, and a sonohysterogram.  A sonohysterogram is a sonogram of the uterus performed after a saline injection.  First a catheter is inserted through the cervix and into the uterus, then the lovely ultrasound wand is inserted, followed by saline solution though the catheter into the uterus (none of this was painful, seriously).  The saline helped to highlight the uterus and made it possible to see immediately if any irregularities such as structural abnormalities, fibroids, polyps, and scar tissue were present.  I beamed with pride as Lucy, the nurse, and the reproductive endocrinologist “ewwed” and “awwed” over my pristine uterus with its fantastic network of life giving blood vessels.  Though it pretty much looks like nothing, we’re providing you with a photographic image just in case you happen to want to “ewwe” and “awwe” over it also.

A Healthy & Happy Uterus

A Healthy & Happy Uterus

I was given four doses of an antibiotic to take in order to prevent any sort of infection from developing down in “lady town” and after swallowing the first dose we sat down with the third party coordinator to discuss the transfer schedule.  I will provide details of the schedule in a later post, but the transfer date we are looking at is Jan. 27, 2010; this day is the same day Lucy had her successful IVF transfer with Little Ricky.  According to FDA regulations all lab work is good for six months, so that will give us a short amount of time to repeat another cycle if a second transfer is needed and embryos are still available.

Once finished at the fertility clinic, we went to Lucy’s house.  I met Little Ricky for the first time.  My conversation with Little Ricky was limited considering I don’t speak Spanish but I smiled, waved, and we all did a little hip shaking to some Latin musica before we had to rush off to dinner and the airport.  Lucy had to pull out some Mario Andretti driving skills to get me to the airport on time so I could make my flight (even dodging a wheelbarrow, sans the wheel, in the middle of the freeway) and fortunately, unlike all our other appointments that day, I managed to board the plane on time…barely.  It was a very tiring but successful day.

Coming Up Next: Top 10 List: Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory -2

© Pocketbebe, 2009.

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My Story (D’Ann)

October 23, 2009 at 8:03 PM (Our Journey)
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In the winter of 2001 I bought a book for $1.99 at the Beall’s Outlet store, the cover of the book had the promising bubble gum appearance of a good chick-lit novel.  Thus, I settled in to read the adventures of a girl from Texas who was approached by her boss (with whom she had previously had an affair) to carry a baby for him and his wife.  The story got more and more complicated, per the rules of writing a sellable piece of fiction, and as a result ended with the heroine learning more than her fair share of lessons.

I was 23 and our oldest daughter was only two-years-old.  It was the first time in my life that it occurred to me that some people who want to have children may have a very difficult time conceiving them.  I also thought about how easy the whole pregnancy process had been for me.  I realized that I’d been blessed.  I finished the book feeling compassion for those struggling with infertility and fancied that maybe someday I could carry a baby for someone else.

Fast forward life almost seven years…I now had three beautiful children to call my own.  The Husband and I agreed, as far as our own desires went, that we were content with our family of five.  A friend of mine was in the process of a gestational surrogacy and I had been able to take a peek inside this very amazing aspect of her life.  She and I had many long conversations about her experiences and her journey.  I was reminded of my thoughts after reading the $1.99 novel and then evaluated my feelings toward what my friend was doing, and finally prayed about the stirrings in my heart.

Eventually, I approached The Husband about potentially doing a surrogacy.  We had many discussions and decided some of the pertinent questions I needed to find answers to were:

  1. What does God think about this?
  2. What is my motivation?
  3. What am I willing and not willing to expose myself to?  Can I do a surrogacy without going against any part of my value system?
  4. What risks to myself and to my family am I taking if I do a surrogacy?
  5. Was I emotionally ready?  Was I ready to purposefully change my life for better or worse with this experience?
  6. How would I handle criticism?

In order to answer many of these questions I had to research, seek advice, and pray.  This part of the process consumed all of me as I grappled for answers.  Trying to verbalize my heart’s desire to other people, while being open to hear valid input, concerns, and godly advice led me to become very emotional at times.  It wasn’t easy answering the challenging questions.   I’ve never had to deal with the trauma of having a miscarriage, was I willing to expose myself to the possibility for someone else? Yes.  Would I be willing to use my own genetic material? No.  I’ve never had surgery before; was I willing to expose myself to a potential c-section for someone else? Yes.  Was I willing to experience abortion for someone else? No.  Would I care about and bond with someone else’s baby that was growing inside of me? Yes.  Would I love this baby? Yes.  Would it be hard that the baby wasn’t mine? No.  Would I feel sad at the end of the journey? Maybe.  Medically speaking the risk to my health and life was low but, did I realize I could potentially die? Yes.  Whatever the outcome, would it all be worth it? Depends upon whose perspective this answer would be based.  My family would base ours on our faith, God is in control.  Would this be easy? No.  Would this be exciting? Yes.  Was I, would I, could I….the list goes on and on and those are only the questions I could answer or for which I could speculate.  I know there will be things unique to the journey that I never even thought about or things I thought I’d feel a certain way about and then didn’t.  I can’t say that I know what the end result will be, but I do know that God does.  We hope for many things, but we rest in knowing HIS will is what will be done.

I feel I’ve been given the gift of growing and delivering life.  That doesn’t mean that everything about pregnancy is super awesome and easy; I mean who loves stretch marks, constipation, or not sleeping at night?  Not too many people I’d assume.  There are just some specially designed people who love it more than most and I am blessed to be one of those people.  It was at this point The Husband and I decided I would pursue being a gestational surrogate. 

Coming Up Next: Needles, Speculum, Psychologists, Oh My!

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Lucy’s Story

October 22, 2009 at 9:52 AM (Our Journey)
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Perseverance through five IVF cycles isn’t for the faint-of-heart; neither is being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease when you are nineteen. Having a mixed connective tissue disease that has components of lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and scleroderma isn’t always easy, but the proverbial cup is always more than half full. With hearts filled with faith, God blessed us during our fifth IVF attempt with a beautiful viable pregnancy; I was over the moon, beyond ecstatic to be carrying Little Ricky.

Delivering at 28 weeks gestation, however, had not been on my to-do list just like my developing pre-eclampsia and almost dying hadn’t been on Ricky’s. I shudder to think what my death at that time would have done to Ricky had God not been gracious enough to save both the baby and me. As scary as it all was, even as I lay in the hospital bed prior to discharge, I refused to even consider that we (specifically me) would not try to carry another baby again in the future. Lacking in appropriate bedside manner training, I had a nurse who suggested that Ricky and I should use a surrogate the next time. This memory is distinct because I vividly remember wanting to smack her and ask her if she was on crack; no one was going to carry my babies but me! I wanted to be the one to sustain the developing life of our children, feel them move inside me, and eventually wear the closetful of cute maternity clothing I’d purchased but had never even gotten big enough to wear.

My perspective slowly began to change during our three-month stay at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). These days were full of immeasurable hope and sometimes, soul crushing turn of events. Little Ricky was born at 28 weeks on July 25, 2007 and some of the journal entries from the following days read as follows:

Aug. 15, 2007

Little Ricky is still on CPAP- continuous positive airway pressure. This means that there are little prongs stuck into his nostrils blowing air in helping him to keep his lungs inflated. He is working on being three pounds by Sunday!

Sept. 24, 2007

Little Ricky got sick early Friday morning. His belly became very distended and x-rays showed a serious infection of the bowel walls. We were afraid he might need surgery or perhaps not survive the infection. Since Sunday he has gradually improved although he had to be put on a ventilator and a constant infusion of medication for pain. He is getting x-rays and lab work every 12 hours now as compared to every 6 hours previously.

Sept. 26, 2007

Little Ricky is a fighter. He is improving slowly. His belly looks 100% better. We are so grateful for all the prayers and support we have felt this week. Unfortunately this morning we noticed his left leg was swollen- the leg with his central IV access. When they tried to remove the line they broke off a piece inside and he had to go to surgery to have the remaining piece removed. He has a blood clot in his femoral vein which can be dangerous, but he is being closely observed.

Oct. 16, 2007

We are scheduled for discharge TODAY! Today’s date was Little Ricky’s due date so it seems appropriate that he should get to go home today.

Little RickySeeing our little boy struggle to survive, breathe, even struggle to take a bottle led me to the unfortunate realization I could not selfishly allow the risks of prematurity to happen to another infant. My doctors, a rheumatologist, ob/gyn, perinatologist, and reproductive endocrinologist affirmed that pre-eclampsia was likely to occur again, and next time maybe earlier than 26 weeks. After consulting with my medical team I had to relinquish the idea of trying to carry another baby.

We still had four mature blastocysts that had already been “conceived” and we felt morally obligated to give them the opportunity to mature into the little babies they were on the way to becoming. My own uterus was no longer a possibility; the only other realistic scenario would be to find someone else willing to participate in our family’s journey. It was at that point we came to the decision to seek a surrogate. Hallelujah! God provides!

Coming Up Next: D’Ann’s Story

© Pocketbebe, 2009.

 

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My Belly, Their Bebe

October 9, 2009 at 2:10 AM (Our Journey, Surrogate Education)
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It is quite entertaining to watch a person’s face when you are telling them that you are going to be a gestational surrogate:  first, shock registers, then confusion, on to puzzlement, awe, and then back to more confusion.  Even though surrogacy can be traced back thousands of years ago (remember Abraham, Sarai, and Hagar?) it is still a somewhat revolutionary concept depending upon the circles in which you travel.  The first step in helping people digest this confusion-inducing news is to fill people in on what exactly a surrogate is.

Surrogacy is when a woman agrees to carry and deliver a baby for someone else with the intent to cede the child to its parents.  There are two different kinds of surrogates, usually termed “traditional” surrogates (TS) and “gestational” surrogates (GS).  A TS is when the surrogate agrees to use her eggs and another man’s sperm, usually becoming pregnant via artificial insemination (AI).  The TS is the biological mother of the baby.  A GS is when the surrogate uses her uterus to become pregnant using a form of ART.  Unlike the TS, the GS is not in any way genetically related to the child.

I am going to be a GS for Lucy and Ricky, attempting to become pregnant for them through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).  IVF is the process of placing fertilized eggs into a woman’s uterus.  In our situation, Lucy and Ricky have four cryogenically frozen five-day-old blastocysts (fertilized eggs they created) residing in two “straws” of two.

Listed below are some general qualifications that are required to become a surrogate:

  • Be a citizen, or permanent resident, of the United States (click here to see if surrogacy is legal in your state of residence)
  • Be between the ages of 21-40 (Both TS and GS have age limitations and the range depends upon whether you are an independent surrogate or with an agency)
  • Have given birth to a child of your own
  • Have had uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries – capable of carrying full term
  • Be height-weight proportionate 
  • Be in a stable living situation
  • Have the support of your spouse (or partner, if applicable)
  • Not be on public assistance (while this doesn’t eliminate you from possibly being an independent surrogate, it is a hindrance to agencies,)
  • Be able to pass a background check
  • Be willing to take medications via injection (when instructed by a reproductive endocrinologist)
  • Not smoke or be exposed to second hand smoke
  • Not take illegal drugs
  • Be willing to limit caffeine intake and/or eliminate it completely
  • Be willing to refrain from alcohol throughout the pregnancy
  • Be willing to abstain from sex (when instructed by a reproductive endocrinologist)
  • Not have any sexually transmitted diseases
  • Not have any psychiatric illness (a psychological evaluation is part of  initial testing)
  • Have reliable transportation
  • Not have had any tattoos or piercings within the past 12 months
  • Be willing to provide your medical history including current and past contact information for OBs or family doctors

 Surrogacy has been around for thousands of years, yet many people do not know much about it.  Reviewing a list of surrogate qualifications like the one above helped me as I began moving toward becoming a surrogate.  However, the biggest requirement to becoming a surrogate is a rather personal one.  You must have the gift of enjoying pregnancy and a heartfelt yearning to share your gift with others by helping them create or expand their family! 

Coming Up Next: Lucy’s Story

© Pocketbebe, 2009.

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